Turned Upside Down
by Ratkinzluver33
Summary: Lucifer had made up his mind. He was going to change Dean into a girl, and there was nothing Dean could do about it. - AU in which Lucifer is not trapped in Hell. - Pairings: Destiel, Sabriel
1. The Birth of Deanna

**Author's Note: **Well, hello, everyone! This isn't my first fanfiction, but it's the first I've published here, so go easy on me! You'll all get virtual cookies if you review though.  
I hope you all enjoy the story!  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own these characters. My life would be complete if I did, however.  
**Warnings: **Mild language  
**Edit: **This chapter is only mildly edited, keep in mind. I sincerely apologise for any grammatical mistakes, but it's incredibly difficult to go back and fix an older chapter, especially when ff dot net's backup document is about to expire. Please don't take anything to heart. You all know how awful first chapters are, right?

* * *

Turned Upside Down  
Chapter One - The Birth of Deanna

When Lucifer gets bored, he gets creative. Usually his creativity ends with new and improved torture methods or ways to annoy the "Hell" out of Michael, but sometimes it ends with pure, inspired genius. This was one of those times. The idea had come to Lucifer when he was thinking about how satisfying it would be to rip out Dean's insides and shove them down his throat. He had realised all of a sudden that he could come up with much more painful ways to ruin Dean's life _without_ physically hurting him. He was in the process of thinking about all the ways to humiliate and embarrass Dean, when suddenly it had come to him. It was perfect. He was going to change Dean into a girl.

* * *

It was a seemingly normal Tuesday morning when Dean woke up, but Dean had an eerie feeling. He sat up in bed and looked around. There wasn't anything inherently strange about the motel room. Sam was, as usual, researching new cases, and Cas was sitting in a corner reading the bible; however, Dean had faith in his instincts, and decided to speak up.

"Hey, guys, is it just me or do you feel weird?" Dean clapped his hands over his mouth after he realised what he had just heard. His own voice - his own precious voice - was a girl's. Dean looked silently down at himself, his eye twitching. Fantastic. Freaking fantastic. He was a chick. He poked at his chest nervously - yep, definitely a chick. Before he had time to hyperventilate, he was already drenched in holy water.

"Guys, guys, it's just me! You know, Dean Winchester? Saviour of the universe?" Dean gasped and tried not to choke.

"Jesus, Dean, is that you? What the hell happened? Did you decide to try cross-dressing or something because if you haven't freaking noticed, you kind of have tits?" Sam snapped.

"Sam, did you honestly-" Dean stopped himself before he heard Sam's unwanted answer. "Nevermind. Anyway, I'm just as surprised as you are."

Cas stirred in his seat, obviously awoken from his bible-reading trance, and peeked up over the bible. "What's going on?" he mumbled.

"Dean here seems to have gotten a taste for cross-dressing."

Cas's eyes trailed from Sam's bewildered face, across the motel room, over to Dean, and then widened considerably. "I, uh- is- is there something I'm missing here? Dean, since when were you..."

Dean took a deep breath and began to speak, "Okay, obviously this is some kind of serious spell which requires some serious mojo. This has obviously got to be the work of someone powerful. Crowley maybe?"

"Okay, quite frankly, why the hell would Crowley want to turn you into a chick? How does that even benefit him?" Sam's confusion was obviously turning into anger.

"Calm down, Sammy. Jesus, it's not like they killed me or something."

"Look, I'm worried. This is obviously the work of someone who dabbles in some seriously dark magic, so, with all the dangerous spells available to them, why choose to turn you into a girl? There's got to be something more to this."

"Alright, so say there is? Got any ideas?" Dean crossed his arms. "I mean, I know we don't exactly have good luck when it comes to being affected by magic, but what could possibly go wrong when I'm a girl? They didn't even turn me into a monster or something threatening."

"That's EXACTLY what I'm worried about, Dean. If they didn't turn you into something dangerous AND there isn't some secret Pandora's box death trap to this, then what's their hidden agenda?"

"What if that's precisely what they're making you think," Cas shifted in his seat, "and they're really just trying to make you paranoid? All of this could be a mind game."

Sam and Dean turned to each other. "What creature is cruel enough to do something like this, yet isn't Crowley?" Sam hissed.

Dean knew exactly who Sam was talking about. _Lucifer._

* * *

Dean was trying not to panic, but it wasn't working. If Lucifer was responsible for turning him into a girl, how the hell was he supposed to break the curse? Dean's stomach twisted as he paced holes into the floor of the motel room and stared down at the ugly green carpet. There was no way he could reason with the damned Devil, of all people. He was definitely, absolutely going to be stuck as a girl forever. Oh God, this was the worst day of his life. But before he could panic any further, Sam turned to him.

"I'm trying to think, Dean! You're distracting me with all that pacing!"

"Well excuse me for feeling nervous. It's not like Satan cursed me eternally or anything."

Cas interrupted their arguing before it got any worse. "Perhaps we should discuss this with Bobby. He might know how to undo the curse."

"Anything is good enough at this point." Dean sighed, "Cas, can you fly us th-"

Before Dean could even finish his sentence, he was already on the front porch of Bobby's house. "God, I'll never be able to get used to that," Dean muttered before turning to knock on the door.

The look of confusion on Bobby's face when he opened the door was priceless.

"Cas, Sam, and..." Bobby looked thoroughly stumped for a moment before his eyes suddenly lit up in recognition. "Dean, you complete idjit, what have you done?"

"There isn't much time to explain. Basically, Lucifer changed me into a girl and I have no idea how I'm going to change back. We were hoping you could, you know, offer some advice?"

Bobby covered his face with his hands and sighed. "Alright, give me some time. There's got to be something about this somewhere. In the mean time, you are just going to have to put up with being a girl."

Dean figured as much. Problem was, he actually had no idea what the hell he was doing. He didn't really have much experience with girls, other than Lisa, of course, but that was different. He could talk to girls, that was for sure, but he didn't actually know how to act like one. Bobby noticed how completely dumbfounded Dean looked and rolled his eyes. "You can stay here for a while so that you don't embarrass yourself, Dean," Bobby groaned.

"I'm sure we can find some way to teach you how to act, well, girly," Sam intervened.

Dean let out a hiss of frustration and walked into Bobby's house. This was not going to be fun.

* * *

Several hours and some embarrassing Internet searches later, Dean had a better idea of how to be a girl. Cas, much to Dean's bewilderment, had spent some time in a female vessel before, and knew some basic social rules. It wasn't much, but it was good enough to get by. Dean had taken matters into his own hands after Cas had recommended that they go clothes shopping together. The vast number of teenage girls posting make up and fashion tutorials on the Internet would probably be enough to help Dean look less... out of place. Dean didn't really like having to learn how to technically be a genderbender, but if it was Lucifer's intention to embarrass Dean, he was determined to look and act as normal as possible. It was a struggle, however, since Dean and normal weren't even usually used in the same sentence.

Dean stood in front of the mirror and looked at himself. He hadn't really payed attention to how Deanna, as he had decided to nickname his female self, looked before. After all, your overall attractiveness isn't really something you first notice when you wake up in the opposite gender. He was actually pretty good-looking, which was somewhat of a disturbing thing to realise. Though, there was an uncanny resemblance between him and "Deanna". This body still had the same emerald green eyes and light brown hair, which Dean noticed was somehow cut nicely. Deanna's hair was layered and smooth, resting nicely at her shoulders. It was odd not to see it spiky and messy like usual, but Dean didn't mind too much; at least it wouldn't be hard to take care of. He brushed his bangs out of his eyes and shrugged. He didn't look too awful, at least. Dean was about to head back to the kitchen and get a beer, when he heard the faint flutter of wings. Cas appeared holding a few shopping bags. Dean looked at him in confusion. "Cas, what's that you have there?"

Cas held open the bag and dumped out the contents onto the bathroom counter. Make up and clothing. "Cas, it seems like you're enjoying this way too much." Dean rolled his eyes.

"You said yourself, Dean. Lucifer most likely wants you as embarrassed as possible. If you look and act like the woman you seem to be, that won't happen," Cas said and shoved the clothes into Dean's arms. "You should change into these."

"Uhm, alright," Dean said, eyeing the outfit. Oh, thank Christ Cas had picked out something plain for him. Jeans, a black tee-shirt (which was sadly a little too small and left his stomach exposed), and a pair of black boots. The shirt was a little showy, but it would do for now. Dean figured he could worry about the make up later. Just the thought of putting make up on made his stomach clench. Really, it seemed like a huge pain in the ass.

Dean was soon out of his old clothes and heading downstairs in his new outfit to get a sorely needed beer. He still couldn't get used to the weird feeling of being somewhat lighter and more agile. Being a woman sure was strange.

When he reached the kitchen, Sam, Cas, and Bobby were there waiting for him. "Any news?" he asked.

Bobby nodded and held up a book. "I've managed to find the spell Lucifer used on you in this book. It seems like he's joking. A sick, sadistic form of joking, but joking none the less. It says it's supposed to last for a few weeks."

Dean looked furious. "A few weeks doesn't sound very precise, Bobby."

"It's not very clear," Bobby snapped, "and on top of that, it's in a very ancient language. All I know is that it won't last more than a month."

"**_More than a month__?_**" Dean nearly cracked the bottle of beer he took from the fridge as he clenched his fists.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Bobby said. "There doesn't seem to be a way to break this spell. I guess you're just going to have to wait a month."

"This is a nightmare," Dean spat, "a complete nightmare!"

"Come on, Dean. Why don't you watch some TV and drink your beer. I even bought some pie while you were upstairs," Sam said comfortingly. "It isn't as bad as you think, anyway. It will ware off eventually, and at least Lucifer didn't turn you into something worse."

Dean sighed and allowed himself to be led into the living room. He tried not to focus on the fact that he felt so confused. He'd never truly had no idea what he was doing before. Even when he was hunting something he hadn't encountered previously, he still had his fighting skills and many years of experience to help him get by. Being a woman, however, he had absolutely no knowledge about whatsoever. It then occurred to Dean how much he needed a drink. He finished off his beer in a few gulps, and settled down onto the couch to waste away the night watching Dr. Sexy, M.D. and eating pie. Silently, he hoped this wouldn't turn out to be as bad as he thought.


	2. Feelings

**Author's Note: **Well, I certainly can't guarantee updates like this everyday, but I was in a writing mood, so here! Thank you everyone for all the reviews, follows, and favourites. Here's the virtual pie I promised you. *Gives a slice.* (I changed my mind on the cookies. Pie is more fitting since this is a Supernatural fic ;)...) I hope you all enjoy the story as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own the characters, the show, or anything to do with Supernatural really. I probably don't even own the idea.  
**Warnings: **Language is a little less mild than last chapter. Sorry. There are also about 1,000,000,000 grammatical errors, tense changes, and word-explosions, considering it was ass o'clock in the morning when I edited this.

* * *

Chapter Two - Feelings

Dean realised he'd have to go hunting sooner or later, so he wasn't surprised when Sam walked in one day holding up a newspaper.

"You guys, I've found a case!" said Sam. "Jeremy Parker, aged 34, died yesterday in Minnow, Indiana! The report says he literally jumped out of the truck he was driving, lay down on the highway, and let himself get run over by a car!"

"He what?" Dean had to stop himself from laughing. "He just lay down in the middle of the road?"

Sam shot him a look. "It's not funny, Dean. A man _died._"

"It's a little funny," Dean whispered under his breath.

"I heard that."

Dean stood up and went over to look at the newspaper. "You think it's a ghost?" he asked.

"I'm not sure. It could be the work of a witch, or anything else with mind-control. There are a pretty wide range of choices."

"Well, that's helpful," Dean sighed. "We should probably look into it a little further before we make any assumptions. I guess we should start driving to Minnow and ask around. It's pretty far from here, so we'd better hurry up."

"Alright," Sam nodded. "Let's say goodbye to Bobby and head out."

* * *

Minnow, Indiana was a small, rural town and Dean _never_ liked small towns, their motels were always sketchy and the people all knew each other. They knew each other so well that it was suspicious. They were like a cult, and that was always a bad sign. And Minnow seemed no different. The first thing Dean noticed was how _**perfect**_ it looked. There were flowers and trees on every street corner, all in perfect condition. Birds chirped and butterflies flew past the windows of the car. Dean hated it, absolutely hated it. Nothing could be that perfect without harbouring a secret.

"This town gives me the creeps. Can we just hurry up and get to the motel? Don't make me drive around sightseeing." Dean grumbled. He had expected Sam to make a comment about how beautiful it was and for him to lighten up, but all Sam did was cringe.

"I never thought I'd say this, but you're right. There is something seriously wrong with this place."

They pulled into the parking lot of the Honeybee Motel and headed to the front desk. A middle-aged man sat there, looking miserable. Dean didn't blame him, he'd probably be miserable too if he worked in a motel named Honeybee.

"Hi, we'd like to get a room here please? Two seperate beds would be nice," Dean asked.

The man looked up at him drearily. He seriously looked like he was about to jump straight off a cliff. "That'll be $22.50 thanks."

God, his voice sounded even worse. It was so monotonous, Dean wondered for a split second if the man was a _robot._ Suddenly, a cheery looking woman walked out from a door behind the counter. "Oh, don't mind my husband! He's always like this." She waved them off. "Here's your key. You guys are in room 27. Enjoy your stay!"

Dean and Sam shot each other suspicious glances and stepped into the elevator. "Why was she so happy and her husband so miserable? That's a little odd, isn't it?" Sam looked puzzled.

"Unhappy marriage?" Dean suggested. Somehow it didn't feel like that was the real reason. Sam just shrugged.

"Maybe."

* * *

Sam browsed through newspapers and Internet articles for any similar deaths. So far, he had found at least six cases of people jumping into the pathways of cars. There were more cases every search, and it was getting far too suspicious to be a coincidence.

"Dean, I think we've got a serious problem here. I keep finding more cases of people jumping in front of cars. It's bordering disturbing at this point."

Dean walked out of the bathroom covered in make up. His stare was so menacing that Sam figured he'd be dead if he dared make a comment.

"So, what do you think it is?" Dean wiped his face with a towel.

Sam sighed and shook his head. "I think it's another witch. All of the victims either jumped out of their car while it was still moving or parked it on the side of the road first. Cars are the perfect place for a hex bag."

"Alright. Seems reasonable. So, anything linking the victims?"

"So far, the only thing I can see is that they're all residents of Minnow." Sam handed Dean the laptop. "Why don't you take a look and see what you can find?"

Dean shifted through the many articles and obituaries. At first, Dean was stumped. There was absolutely nothing tying the victims together at all. Then it hit him. All of them - every single victim - were men. "I think we have a sexist on our hands," Dean chuckled.

"This is no time to be joking, Dean." Sam put on his best bitchface.

"I'm not joking. The only thing linking these victims together is the fact that they have two balls dangling between their legs."

Sam held his face in his hands. "If that's the only thing we've got, we're not going to have much luck finding the witch."

"I'm right though. There have been men dying mysteriously like this for a few years!" Dean snapped.

"A few years? So, any major events happen around that time? Did someone important's husband cheat on them or something?"

"Uhh, nothing much. Nobody important got cheated on, nobody died, no creepy houses were knocked down. In fact, the only important thing to happen that year was the current mayor's election into office," said Dean. He was thoroughly confused.

"That's it!" Sam practically yelled. "That's it! The mayor is a woman, right?" Dean nodded. "It would explain why everything around here is so pretty and girly! So, the mayor hates men, got rid of everything manly in the town, and then decided to take it one step further!"

"Woah, woah. Let's not go jumping to conclusions. Maybe we should, you know, ask the mayor a few questions first?"

"Fair enough," Sam shrugged, "but you should go alone. You'll attract less suspicion because you're a woman."

Dean flashes him an angry look.

* * *

The mayor's house is the most amazing and cliché representation of the white-picket fence apple pie life in existence. The house is beautifully taken care of, the garden is in godly condition, flowers are everywhere, and cherry blossom trees surround the house in a ring. Dean suddenly has the urge to bash his head in on a wall. This is sickeningly perfect. Nervously, Dean walks up the stairs and knocks on the front door. He does not want to talk to this woman, let alone have to pretend to be interviewing her about her position as mayor. Dean thanks God and his posse of angel dicks that nobody appears to be home. Carefully, Dean picks the lock and enters the house. The inside isn't any less nauseating. The abundance of flowers outside can't even match how many she has in pots inside, the entire house smells like roses, and she's even painted her walls in bubblegum pink for Christ's sake. Dean shakes his head in disapproval and heads upstairs.

Her room follows the same sickening colour-scheme and doesn't seem very suspicious, but Dean has a feeling that something is seriously wrong. Cautiously, he opens the closet doors and is met with a horrifying sight. The shelves are lined with spell-books and boxes full of ingredients. Sam was right after all. But before Dean has a chance to react, something hard smashes against the back of his head and everything goes black.

* * *

Dean opens his eyes and groans; the entire world is spinning. "Where the hell am I?" he manages to choke out.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm not going to kill you. I only kill men. I simply want to know what you're doing snooping around my property."

Dean whips his head around to see a woman standing behind him. Oh, it's the witch mayor. "I only wanted to confirm what you've been doing," Dean says icily. "I guess I was right."

The woman grins. "Oh, I guess you've found out about my little plan. I'll have to kill you then, but not before I find out who you are. I think I left my knives in the kitchen though, so I'll have to leave you for a moment. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone!" she says, her voice so sugar-coated, Dean figures he'll probably die from it alone before he even so much looks at a knife. The mayor is already downstairs before Dean can make any snide remarks, however.

Dean glances around. He's probably been moved to her attic from the looks of it. With a small "yes" of triumph, Dean notices his cellphone on the other side of the room. _So, I'm not completely cut off from civilisation._ Dean thinks. Damn, if only he could get to it, though. It's too bad he's tied up to a freaking chair, which he then kicks in frustration. At that, he hears the soft clink of something hitting the floor. Dean looks down and realises he's just kicked a nail out of the very chair he's sitting on - a nail sharp enough to cut the ropes tying him. Dean can't help but smirk. "Karma's a bitch."

* * *

Dean has already been out of the chair for ages by the time the witch heads back up the stairs. As soon as she opens the door, the Demon Knife is already in her chest and she collapses onto the ground. "That was easy." Dean grabs his phone from across the floor, walks out of the attic to lean on the wall just before the stairs, and calls Sam.

"Dean! Is everything alright?" comes Sam's nervous voice from the other end of the line.

"Yeah, everything is fine. The bitch caught be by surprise and had me tied up in her basement, but I managed to escape," Dean laughs. "It was a piece of cake."

"Alright, I guess that's another case solved. Head back to the motel and we can get out of this hell hole."

"Okay. See you soon, Sammy." Dean hangs up the phone.

Just then he feels a hand grab his shoulder. How the hell could she have stumbled out of the attic and through the hallway? Dean whips around to finish the job, but it's too late. The witch shoves him backwards in one final effort before she falls onto the floor. Dean tries desperately to grab onto something - anything - but finds nothing but thin air. He falls helplessly backwards and sighs. Dean doesn't know why, but his deepest regret is that he didn't even get a chance to say a proper goodbye to Castiel. And, as if in response to Dean's wish, there's a flash of light and Dean's at the top of the staircase again in someone's arms. Dean looks up in shock only to be met with a pair of ocean blue eyes. "C-Cas?" he stutters.

"You really should be more careful, Dean."

And suddenly Dean realises that he's blushing. _It's just the adrenaline._ Dean tells himself with determination, ignoring the fact that he was perfectly calm before Cas showed up. Luckily, before he has time to second-guess himself any further, the witch raises her head and desperately attempts to say something.

"Who-" blood drips from her mouth, effectively silencing her. "Who are you?" she gasps again.

Dean stands tall and looks at the crumpled heap below him. "Me? I'm Dean Winchester..." Dean stops himself, "or should I say, Deanna Winchester."

Cas can't help but laugh a bit at how silly that sounds. "Maybe we should call you that from now on."

"Maybe you should, Cas," Deanna retorts as she tries to hide the smile that's spreading on her face, "maybe you should."


	3. Settling In

**Author's Note: **Hey, guys! I sincerely apologise with all my heart for not updating sooner! I had a lot (and I mean a lot!) of schoolwork to be catching up with, and I had to finish the entire_ Sense and Sensibility_ novel within the measly time-span of a few days. The upside was that I absolutely adored every word of it, and at least I've finally gained a little more experience with Cas' speech patterns! Another thing I have to apologise for was my ungraceful change to the present tense in the middle of Chapter 2. I'm sorry! It just happens! I made sure I kept to one tense this chapter! Just one last thing to mention, there isn't actually all that much plot development in this chapter. Hence the title "Settling In". I'm just trying to let Deanna familiarise herself with having boobs now. Plus, the plot in this story is kind of goofy anyway. I'm not saying there won't be some serious self-reflection and feels moments, but I'm not saying it's going to be angst, angst, and more angst all the way through. Anyway, without further ado, I present to you... Chapter 3!  
**Warnings:** Mild (really mild) swearing + Deanna totally being fluffily fangirly over Cas.  
**Additional Note: **Most of the stuff in italics isn't for emphasis, but rather represents someone's thoughts. I'm sure that's pretty obvious, but just in case, I'll say it here to prevent any confusion.  
**Disclaimer: **I've referenced a lot in this chapter, but I'll have you know that I own literally none of it. I don't own Supernatural either. Ahhh, nothing is mine!

* * *

Chapter Three - Settling In

When they returned to the Honeybee Motel later that night, Deanna decided she was going to celebrate kicking ass with a drink. Okay, many drinks. Being a woman was still a pretty odd feeling, and Deanna really needed to drown out her worries.

"Hey, guys, I'm going to head out to the bar. Anyone wanna come with?"

"I'm trying to find a case," Sam mumbled, "I've gotta just..."

"Alright, nerd. Continue your amazing research. Hey, Cas, you wanna come?"

"I suppose I could do with a little alcohol." Cas got up off the chair he was sitting on and walked over to Deanna.

"Alright! We're heading out then! See ya, Sam."

Sam only mumbled something unintelligible in response. Rolling her eyes, Deanna shut the door behind her.

* * *

"A shot of Vodka, please."

The bartender nodded, poured the drink, and slid it over to Deanna. "Anything for your boyfriend?"

Deanna looked puzzled. "Boyfriend?"

"You know, the guy in the trench coat who's sitting next to you and giving you a long, meaningful stare every few seconds?"

Deanna almost spat out her precious, precious vodka. Snorting with laughter, she gasped, "Oh, him? He's not - we're not _dating_."

"Sure looks like it, hun. Sure you two ain't got somethin' going on between ya?"

Deanna laughed nervously. "No, no! Of course I'm sure!"

The bartender just shook her head and smiled. It was like she knew something Deanna didn't. Deanna just shook it off as an innocent mistake. Because that was all it was, right? A mistake? Before Deanna could come to any conclusions, Cas turned to her.

"The people I've been meeting recently seem to be misunderstanding the nature of our relationship. I see now why there are many movements against gender inequality. A lot of things seem to have changed now that you have become a woman."

"'The people you've been meeting recently'? What, you mean there were more of them?"

"Yes, a few men have given me very dirty looks. When I looked into their minds to see what could be prompting such unwarranted behaviour, I saw that they were envious, of all things! Of our supposed relationship, too!" Cas looked generally incredulous.

Deanna could really do with another drink. "I'll have a beer, please," she mumbled. And as Cas rambled on about all the men who had been oggling her, the drink could not come soon enough.

"Well, hey there, sexy."

Deanna whipped around at the strange voice. Oh, christ. It was one of those creeps she'd always seen hitting on women at bars. How was she supposed to handle this? So, in her best "I really, really hate you" voice, she hissed, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested." There, that should do the trick!

"Oh, come on now, pumpkin."

_Christ, who calls people pumpkin anymore?_ Deanna thought as she wrinkled her nose in disgust. Mainly because she thought it might send a message, but also at the putrid smell of alcohol wafting off of the guy (who was seriously getting way up in her personal space!) _Only Cas can do that! Wait, where did that come from?_

"Surely you wouldn't mind if I got you a drink?"

"I'm really not interested. Sorry."

_Is this guy deaf? Why isn't he listening? What's his problem? Crap, how do I handle this? What can I tell him? _Deanna paused for a moment. _Oh! I know!_

"I'm actually taken," Deanna snapped indignantly, shuffling closer to Cas, who looked generally surprised, and wrapping an arm around him._ Sorry, Cas, man! I hate to use you like this!_

"Oh, do you want him to join in, too?"

That was it. That was freaking it! What was wrong with this guy? "What the hell? Can't you take no for an answer?"

The guy didn't reply, and only leant in, his lips getting dangerously close to Deanna's. _Oh, __**hell no**__! This dickwad is __**not**__ kissing me!_

Then it happened. It happened so fast, in fact, that Deanna could barely register what had just occurred. One moment she was sitting at the bar, and the next, she was standing up and smashing her fist against that stupid asshole's face.

"Take that, you dick! Is that 'NO, I'M NOT GOD DAMN INTERESTED' enough for you?"

Well, okay. Deanna hadn't exactly meant to take it _that_ far. And then the entire bar erupted into wild applause. Deanna wasn't expecting that either. "Uhh, thank you!" Deanna smiled. She had to admit, though she was a little bit embarrassed, that was pretty awesome.

"Deanna, that man does not look very pleased. I recommend that we get out of here as soon as possible. If you want, I can teleport you to the motel as soon as we get out of the bar," Cas whispered into her ear.

She did not blush at Cas whispering into her ear at all, okay? She was just a little tipsy, and the alcohol was responsible for making her face redder than usual. The alcohol, you hear? "Yeah," she stammered, "that would probably be a good idea."

And at the horrific look on the creep's face, Deanna grabbed Cas' hand (remember, she was only blushing because of that beer!), and rushed straight out the bar and around the corner.

* * *

Deanna practically smashed open the motel door as she burst in. "Oh, thank Christ I got away from that!" she cried.

"I'm sure Christ would be happy to hear your thanks, Deanna," Cas said, completely oblivious to the weird stare he was getting from the two Winchesters.

Opting to ignore Cas' social awkwardness, Sam looked to Deanna and said, "Thank Christ you got away from what exactly?"

"So, there may or may not have been a total creep hitting on me... and then I may or may not have punched him square in the face."

"Damn it, Dean. Did you seriously?"

"It's Deanna now, Sam," Deanna said defensively, "and that asshole had it coming."

"Alright, Deanna, you're getting way too into this. But, the whole 'I only go by a girl's name now' deal aside, can I be assured that there will be no angry mob outside our motel door tonight because you punched some flirt in the face?"

"It's cool, Sammy! Cas took the liberty of teleporting us the hell out of there. Nobody knows where I'm staying!"

Sam gave her a suspicious look. "Alright, whatever you say."

"Okay! Who's up for some Doctor Sexy M.D.?" Deanna smiled.

"Oh, are you kidding me? I have research to be doing." Sam shook his head.

"Seriously, Mr. Grumpy, I'm sorry I offended your sensibilities. Jesus." Deanna sighed and refocused her attention on finding the remote.

"If you are looking for the remote, it is over here by my desk. I was spending some time watching television last night while you two were sleeping. Many of these programmes are highly entertaining," said Cas.

"Jeeze, Cas, you watch T.V. now? Did you find anything you liked?"

"There was a children's show I enjoyed. I believe it was called 'Pokemon'."

"Holy crap! You liked Pokemon? You are the man! That stuff was the best way back when!" Deanna walked over to give Cas a highfive. Cas looked generally taken aback for a moment.

"What's the deal, Cas? You seem pretty freaked out."

"I am sorry, Deanna, I just was not expecting this reaction. I was lead to believe that watching children's television was considered 'lame'."

"No way, man! Pokemon always gets a free pass!"

"I see. Forgive me, human culture is very confusing. I still cannot quite figure out the specifics of it all."

"I get it, I really do," Deanna said comfortingly, patting Cas on the back, "we are pretty damned confusing, I can give you that."

There was a silence for a moment as Cas seemed to ponder what he had just been told. Sam interrupted it with a loud yawn. "Well, guys, I'm heading to bed. I have had a long day of research, so I seriously need a break. Please keep the volume on the T.V. low, Deanna. I'm going to die if I haven't had a good night's sleep tomorrow morning."

"Okay, okay, fussypants! I'll keep it down! Night!"

"Night!" And just like that, Sam was in the bed and out like a light.

"I swear I'll be damned if anyone ever diagnoses Sam with insomnia. That guy can sleep within two minutes of laying his head down on his pillow," Deanna sighed contentedly. She seemed to drift into a reverie for a moment, but soon snapped out of it and turned on the T.V. "Anything you want to watch, Cas?"

"I'd like to try, what was it... oh! Channel surfing."

"Fair enough," Deanna shrugged.

After an hour of switching between channels, Cas had decided that Animal Planet, Cartoon Network, and MTV were his favourites. He only liked MTV because he felt like it "helped him to practise his ability to show human compassion and empathy", which had Deanna laughing until there were tears running down her cheeks.

"You seriously like MTV just because you feel empathetic whenever you see all the shows?"

"What is so funny, Deanna? Am I not supposed to sympathise with them?"

"I don't know. They_ are_ kind of a sorry bunch, but I guess people just watch the channel 'cause they like the drama. Or laughing at other people's expense."

"Why would someone take pleasure in doing something like that?" Cas seemed horrified.

"Why? I don't have any idea. I guess it's kind of funny, you know?"

"I certainly don't know, Deanna. I think it's cruel."

Deanna was quiet. "I never really thought about it like that. You can't tell me a lot of it isn't funny though, even if it is kinda mean-spirited."

"No, I suppose I can't," Cas hummed thoughtfully. "Though I must say, those orange, loud people in 'Jersey Shore' are quite depressing. They choose to spend their lives partying when they could be doing more productive things with their time."

"Wow, Cas, way to be a downer."

"I'm sorry if I'm ruining your good mood."

"What's gotten into you?" Deanna looked concerned.

"I'm just preoccupied with this curse."

"Hey, man, it's cool. I'm over it. It'll be done in a few weeks and then everything will go back to normal."

"I don't know, Deanna. Everyone seems to be acting very differently towards you now that you're a woman, and I certainly don't like it." Cas looked almost _angry_.

"Acting differently towards me?"

"Men keep looking at you in very strange ways, and when I read their thoughts for an explanation..." he trailed off, "I cannot tell you the things I see; they are unspeakable." Cas looked resolutely at the ground.

"Oh, man! Are you jealous that guys are checking me out or what?" Deanna said. She was totally and completely not hopeful at all. In any way whatsoever. She was just joking. Honestly.

"I am an angel of the Lord! I do not experience sinful emotions such as _jealousy_!" Cas seemed a little too defensive.

"Woah there, tiger! I'm only messing with ya!"

"I apologise. Humour is not my strong point."

"Okie dokie then," Deanna murmured in confusion, "I think I'm gonna head to bed now, Cas. You just, uhh, do whatever you do when we sleep. Go gallivanting around or whatever."

"I watch you while you sleep, not 'gallivant' around."

"And here we go with the Twilight-esque sleep-watching. What's your name now, Edward?" Deanna laughed and rolled her eyes. She certainly did not feel a giddy spark of joy to think that Cas watched over her in her sleep. That was creepy, and this was certainly not a poorly-written romance novel.

"I'm afraid I don't understand that reference."

"Yeah, okay, Eddie. I'm heading to bed. Night, man!"

"Good night, Deanna."

Deanna nestled into her uncomfortable blankets. Really, who came up with the designs for these things? They felt like they were made out of freaking pine needles! Trying to ignore how horrible her bed was, she focused on Cas, who was sitting at a chair looking unsettled.

"Deanna?" he whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you say I was your boyfriend earlier?"

Oh crap. He'd actually remembered that. _Dammit, what can I say? This is gonna get awkward._ "Uhhh, what?" _Play dumb, play dumb!_

"When you were at the bar and the man was hitting on you, you said that you were 'actually taken', and then wrapped your arms around me. Why?"

"I was just trying to get the guy to take a hint. I figured that might help get the point across more clearly."

"Oh, I see..." Cas sighed. Wait, was that disappointment in his voice? No, no. Deanna was just tired. She must have been hearing things.

"Sorry, Cas," Deanna offered nervously.

"It's fine."

"Night, Cas..."

Another sigh. "Good night."

* * *

That night, Deanna slept differently. She didn't lie awake for hours weighed down by guilt, but instead quickly fell asleep listening to Cas turning the pages of his bible and to Sam's rhythmic breathing. Her dreams were surprisingly not plagued by the smell of burning flesh and the sound of piercing screams, but rather the refreshing scent of the ocean breeze and the calming, light flutter of wings. And perhaps that change alone was more terrifying than even the worst of her nightmares. At least those were predictable.

* * *

**Ending Author's Note: **Okay, so I'll admit, that wasn't the best chapter in all of history, but, hey, what can I say? I know it's short and pretty awful, but I've been so busy with deadlines and work recently, it's literally ridiculous. I don't have enough time to focus on getting all of the characterisation right! Ahh! I hope you can forgive all the mistakes and terrible writing in this chapter. I know it's pretty rare to get a good Fem!Dean fic, so I'm trying my best... if only there weren't so many deadlines at school! I'll try to update sooner, but I'm not exactly fantastic at that. Sorry! _*nervous laugh*_


	4. All Out of Seriously Important Bubblegum

**Author's Note:** I absolutely loved writing this chapter, and on the upside, it's way longer than usual! I won't spoil anything, since you probably haven't read it yet, but I just wanted to say that developing Deanna and Sam's brother-sister relationship was so fun! Sam and Deanna make the perfect siblings, I swear. The cynicism, it's killing me! I also I feel like I keep writing this story in present tense whenever I get really into it. Maybe that's just my subconscious's way of telling me that I better start writing in a different tense, or maybe I'm just a terrible writer... I don't really know.  
**Warnings:** The swearing isn't mild anymore. I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself. Deanna's just so snarky... Also, trigger warning for almost but not actually (and not angsty) rape. Nothing happens, nobody gets hurt, and Deanna doesn't even seem affected. She's just cool like that. (Or I'm just unrealistic...)  
**Disclaimer:** I own absolutely nothing at all! Nothing! Except, you know, my writing. Obviously.

* * *

Chapter Four - All Out of _**Seriously Important**_ Bubblegum

"I've found one! I've found a case!" Sam cried and threw his hands up in the air in triumph.

Deanna shot out of bed in a second. "Jesus Christ, Sam, you scared the living daylights out of me! What the hell is the time? Five in the morning?"

"It is precisely 6:32 AM, Deanna," Cas interjected.

"Saaaaam," she whined, "that is too early! You can't wake me up screaming about how you found some probably lame case at 6 AM. A man, well, woman, needs her sleep!"

"Yeah, well, Garth called to give me this case, and it's important. We seriously need to get out of this mildly creepy motel and get there as soon as possible." Sam crossed his arms.

"Oh, Garth gave it to you? Are you sure it doesn't involve Texas Rangers then, _Sammy?_"

"Very funny,_ Dee,_ but, _no_, it _doesn't_ involve Texas Rangers. In fact, this super important case involves a **serious** demon infestation in the over-populated city of Mayfield, Montana."

"Dee? Hey, that's pretty cool," said Deanna, completely ignoring Sam and his _**"super important"**_ case. "Hey, hey, Cas! Does it sound awesome or what? Sam gets to be Sammy, you get to be Cas, so I get to be Dee. Everyone good with that?"

"It does have a ring to it." Cas seemed thoughtful.

"Are we going to pay attention to the problem at hand here? We have a crazy demon issue which Garth says may even involve **_ritual sacrifice!_**"

"Oh my God! Ritual sacrifice! Too spooky!"

Sam looked absolutely hopping mad, and shot Deanna a bitchface that almost physically pained everyone in the room.

"Okay, okay. I'll stop, I'll stop. I'm sorry. I feel it was necessary," Deanna said. She was trying to be reassuring, but Sam still looked angry. "Bitch."

"Jerk." The mood lightened almost immediately.

"So, we gonna head to Mayfield then? I'm sure Baby could do with going out to stretch her... wheels. Which brings me to the fact that, Cas, there is no way I'm going to zap there with you, because I have enough worries about bodily functions already. I do **not** need to add constipation to the list when I already have to pee _sitting down_."

"I so did not need to know about your bowel movements." Sam scrunched up his face in disgust.

"Oh, shut up! You totally know it happens to you, too!"

Sam looked terrified.

"See? You're not denying it."

"Okay! Time to go! Like, right now!" Sam rushed forward and practically pulled Deanna out of the bed by her ear. He was just about to head back into the bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready to leave, but he noticed something strange about Deanna. "Woah!" Sam reeled back, "What the hell? Is there something I'm missing here?"

Deanna was wearing Cas' dress shirt, which was when Sam realised the angel only had his trench coat to keep him warm all night. And it could reach sub-zero temperatures. Okay, that was a hyperbole, but it was still freaking _cold_. That was pretty much the least of Sam's worries, though, considering his... brother(?) was wearing a socially inept angel's _shirt!_ A socially inept angel that she shared a "profound bond" with, nonetheless! Sam really didn't want to imagine that they meant "bond" literally. He shuddered.

Deanna looked down at her shirt and went pale. "Oh, HELL. Sam! Sam! It's not what it looks like, I swear! I was just out of pyjamas to wear! Honestly! We didn't - we didn't, you know..." Silence. "Oh, you get it!" She stormed off into the bathroom (which Sam was supposed to have called dibs on!)

Cas looked at Sam awkwardly. "I'm sorry, I don't quite understand human customs such as these. Is there something I've done wrong?"

Sam inhaled deeply. Even if they _were_ actually, you know, _banging_, Sam didn't really have a problem with it. As long as his she-man brother/sister was happy, right? Thinking about it, she and Cas did kind of share a very strange, sexual tension-filled relationship. It wouldn't have been too much of a surprise if they were together - whether Deanna was a girl or not. Sam shook his head and snapped out of his introspection. "No, no. It's nothing bad. It's just that when a girl is wearing a guy's shirt in bed... you kind of just assume..." Sam didn't continue any further. _Cas looks like he's seen a ghost, bad analogy aside. Poor guy._ Sam sighed.

"Oh dear." was all Cas could say.

Yeah, it was definitely time for Deanna to leave the bathroom. Sam needed to escape this awkwardness _as soon as possible._

* * *

"Alright! We ready to go?" Deanna said, hopping into the front seat and stroking a thumb lovingly over Baby's steering wheel. "Good morning, sugar. Have a good night?"

"You have a very interesting relationship with your car, Dee."

"Yeah? Baby's great! How could I not love her? I'd marry this fine son of a bitch if she was an actual human." Dee giggled.

Cas' eye twitched. "I see."

That wasn't exactly a normal reaction. For some reason, Deanna felt the need to pat Cas on the back. She couldn't exactly reach her arm all the way to the back seat, so she settled with saying something reassuring instead. "Not that she is, though. No, Baby is most definitely a car, and I don't swing that way. My life is not about to be featured in a creepy reality show about people with disturbing kinks, thank you very much."

Just then, Sam hopped into the seat next to Deanna and got out a giant book labeled _"Enochian Language Dictionary"_. "Ready?" he mumbled, burying his nose into the pages.

"Yeah." Deanna sighed and shook her head. "Are you really reading that?"

"What? It will come in handy when we run into more angels! This book covers some seriously important vocabulary, Deanna."

"Yeah, I think 'seriously important' has been used too many times today. Seriously important cases, seriously important vocabulary - what's next, seriously important encyclopedias on all things supernatural?"

"That could actually be useful." Sam didn't seem fazed in the slightest.

"Okay, I'm driving to Mayfield now and pretending my brother isn't the biggest nerd-gone-hunter in the entire universe." Deanna's playful teasing went unnoticed.

"You do that, Deanna. You do that." Sam was completely lost in his book within minutes.

As Deanna got lost in watching the road signs fly by, she couldn't help but wonder why Cas was spending so much time with them. Not that she had a problem with that, of course.

* * *

They arrived in Mayfield early the next morning and headed straight into the motel they booked. Honestly, what was with people and strange motel names? The _"Lilypad Motel"_, seriously? Even Cas looked like he was about to roll his eyes. Deanna collapsed onto the bed in exhaustion and cried something about how she was "so freaking tired she was surprised she didn't fall asleep at the wheel." It didn't help Sam sleep any better.

* * *

So, Deanna would admit it, she woke up at noon, okay? But if there was one thing she didn't deserve, it was Sam's wrath.

"Deeeeeaaaannaaaaaaaa! We could have been working on this case hours ago!" Sam hissed.

"I get it, I get it! God, what do I have to do to get some peace around here?" she moaned, staggering out of bed.

"You would get your peace if you woke up earlier!"

"Yeah, thanks, Sammy. Now where's my su- Oh. Oh shit."

"What, what is it?"

"My suit," Deanna cried, "my FBI suit - it's for men!"

"Oh."

They really have to go to the store.

* * *

"I think I'm going to go for the 'sexy librarian' look. Except, you know, without the glasses. I can't be bothered to buy them."

"One, are you kidding me? And two, 'can't be bothered to buy them'? Aren't girls supposed to like shopping?"

Deanna looked like she'd been slapped. "No. No way in HELL. I, and many other girls, as well, hate shopping with a passion. It's boring, and makes you feel bad about yourself because everyone else is either prettier or skinnier than you. I don't care how I look, but I don't like the creepy feeling I get when other women walk around eyeing me like I'm a criminal in a courtroom. This isn't supposed to be some kind of screwed up hierarchy! Aren't women meant to be friends in their fellow sisterhood or whatever? Shopping and fashion in general is just... nope. No. Please, no thank you."

Sam nodded his head in agreement. "I see what you mean by the creepy stares. Do you think it's because they're jealous?"

"Hah! I wish! It's probably because I'm not 'wearing enough makeup' or something. Maybe," Deanna put on the most awful Californian accent Sam had ever heard, "my butt looks, like, totally fat in these jeans. Oh my God! I'm, like, completely ruined! My life is _so _over!"

Sam snorted. "It's probably accurate."

"I know," Deanna sighed. "It's kinda sad, really."

Just when everything was about to go all "chick-flick", Deanna rushed over to a rack of suits, and practically screamed. "This is going to make me look like a babe, and all the men are going to love it!" She held up an expensive-looking skirt, suit jacket, and dress shirt. The skirt looked a little too clingy.

"A pencil skirt, really, Dee? And since when do you care about impressing _men?_"

Deanna stopped smiling. "Uhh, since, uhm... never. Never at all. No men for me! I'm, uhh, technically gay then, I guess. Yep, totally impressing the women here."

Sam was not convinced. "Uh-huh, sure, Dee. You tell yourself that. Be sure to tell Cas that for me, too."

"Excuse me?"

Since when could Deanna pull a bitchface? One that could rival Sam's, too!

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Sam wasn't smirking. He wasn't. He wouldn't do that to his sister...

He totally would.

"One day, Sam, I will have my revenge. You won't even know it's coming until it hits you right in the face."

"Sure, Deanna, sure."

"I'm serious, Sam!" Deanna shook her fists at him, nails flashing.

Sam burst out laughing. "Deanna, oh my GOD! Did you _paint_ your nails?"

"Apple green. And it looks amazing, thanks for asking."

"Deanna, when you get your dick back, I am going to buy Photoshop, and edit the same exact colour nail polish onto one of your favourite pictures. Maybe one of you and Cas. You will never, ever live this down."

"Over my dead body," Deanna huffed.

"Oh, you'll see, Deanna. You'll see."

"Sam, don't rub your hands together like that. You look like something straight out of a 1930's horror movie."

Sam just continued looking sinister.

* * *

After spending a while waiting in line at the checkout counter, and then going to get Deanna's new FBI badges printed, Team Free Will was finally ready.

"Alright," Sam put on the most serious face he could muster after continuously laughing at Deanna's nails for the past half hour, "we're going to go ask around and find out where the demons are. When we get a general idea, we're going to split up and look around. Sound like a plan?"

"Okay. That sounds reasonable," Deanna shrugged nonchalantly. She was still pissed at Sam for being so judgmental about her _obviously _beautiful nails. He was just jealous he couldn't act on his dreams of wearing make up and dresses. That was 100% the reason why Sam had long hair anyway. _Heh. I'm a genius. I have him all figured out._ Deanna stifled a laugh.

"I'm going to do the asking around since Cas won't do a very good job. Dee, you take care of Cas while I'm busy."

"Wow, Sam, you know how much I love it when you take control like that," Deanna snaps sarcastically.

"Shut up, Dee. You're the one with nail polish."

"Okay, you win. Go! Ask your precious questions, young one! Venture on your mission!"

"Yes, your majesty. I shall embark upon my quest immediately, Queen Deanna." Sam rolled his eyes.

"Make it so!"

"Okay, you're going too far now."

"Bye, Sam!" Deanna waved, looking innocent, and turned back to Cas.

"Up for some good movies? BBC marathon, anyone?"

"Yeah, I'm definitely leaving."

* * *

Sam was back within the hour.

"That didn't take particularly long. Anything up?"

"Yeah, actually. The first person I asked knew exactly where everything was happening. All the activity is right near the heart of the city. Just a bit west from China Town. So," Sam pulled out a map and circled a fairly large area, "I don't know the precise location, but we already agreed we'd split up and look if it came to this. The start of the area is just a few blocks away, so it shouldn't be too difficult."

They were up and out the door in minutes. Deanna was eager to do some ass-kicking, so Sam and Cas would have probably been dragged out of the motel room if they hadn't have been ready soon enough, anyway.

"Ohhh! This is going to be so fun!" Deanna said cheerily.

"Since when have you been so enthusiastic about a case? There isn't even anything that serious going on."

"Since I became a chick! This is _awesome_. It's so much easier to dodge punches now. I've been practising!"

"Well, as long as you're happy..." said Sam. That sounded vaguely familiar. He had been saying that a lot recently, hadn't he? "Oh, this is where I branch off. I'm taking 41st Street. Cas, you take Olivine Avenue, and Deanna, you can take Mirror View. There are a bunch of alleyways with entrances to sketchy apartments in them. It's ideal for hiding demonic activity."

"Understood," said Cas tautly. "The sooner we can leave this place, the better. The presence of evil sets me on edge."

"Alright, you guys! We'll regroup at this point in an hour if we don't find anything, okay? I'll call you both if I do, and vice versa." Sam looked around vigilantly, scanning the area and preserving it in his mind.

"Okay! If nothing happens, I'll see you all in an hour." Deanna nodded. The three of them wander off and take their separate paths.

* * *

As Deanna walked down Mirror View, looking at the now-darkening sky, she couldn't help but think about the bar a few days ago. Why did everyone else think they were dating? They weren't kissing or hugging constantly like an actual, lovey-dovey (_ewww_) couple would, so what was up? Deanna didn't even _flirt_ with Cas, let alone do anything that might actually suggest they were in a committed relationship! In fact, their relationship hadn't changed at all! Deanna was stuck on this for a few moments before she realised just what it was. Cas had said so himself, he and Deanna had a profound bond. So, when Deanna had changed into a girl, obviously their epic bromance had been kept intact. Why wouldn't it have been? That must have been why everyone was so confused, of course! Deanna and Cas were closer since Purgatory. So when Deanna was a chick, the whole routine - patting each other on the back, sharing inside jokes (well, it was more one-sided. Cas didn't really grasp the concept of humour fully yet, but he was getting there!), nudging each other when a hot chick walked past (okay, that was one-sided, too, but Cas always gave Deanna a smile!), bumping shoulders when sitting next to each other, even the friendly (not longing!) stares they shared - must have made them look like a married couple! Everything seemed to come clear, and quite frankly, Deanna probably should have been feeling a lot more awkward... but she wasn't. In fact, she wasn't feeling awkward at all. Really, she quite liked it. _Wait, wait. Hold on a sec. I'm okay with this? Alright, calm down, Deanna. It's just the curse. It's making your sexuality more flexible is all. Plus, how can you not swing both ways when you're a babe, Dee? Everything's cool. It's only Lucifer being a dick and messing with you_. Deanna thought with determination. It was all okay, and everything, including her new-found feelings for Cas (which she could certainly no longer deny), would go back to normal when Lucifer's stupid genderbending mojo wore off. _Anyway, Dee. You're distracted. You better get back to the hunt! You might miss something!_

Deanna examined her surroundings. Oh, she was pretty much lost and in a strange, dark alleyway. _Well, shit. Oh well, I suppose. Sammy said the demons were probably hanging out in these alleyways anyway. I mean, what better place for things that go bump in the night, right?_ Deanna nodded to herself. She still couldn't shake this strange, eerie feeling, though. It was sort of unsettling and didn't really help her focus on her surroundings. She wandered onward. _This is a strangely long alleyway. I'm not liking this at all._ "Hello?" her voice echoed into nothingness.  
Something dark flashed past. _What the hell?_ Deanna snapped her head around faster than she could think, but there was only silence. _It's probably nothing._ Continuing, she walked forward and tried to ignore the nagging feeling in her gut. Something flashed again. _Okay, that is definitely not nothing._ Stopping in the middle of the alleyway, she planted her feet firmly on the ground and grazed her fingers over the blade of the demon knife, moving from there to the hilt of her 1911 in an attempt to comfort herself. Humming _"Long Train Runnin'"_ wasn't helping her feel much better either. Honestly, since when were demons so sneaky? Before she could take a chance to contemplate anything, something darted out and pinned her against a wall. There was holy water in its face within seconds, but nothing happened. "What the hell?" the shadow gasped, spluttering and spitting out vast quantities of water.

"Oh, you're a human. Wonderful. What do you want?" Deanna sighed. She really could not be bothered to deal with people who weren't ghosts, demons, or something else inhuman.

"Of course I'm a human, bitch. Take off your clothes."

"OH! Shit, I totally forgot about the whole 'women don't go down dark alleyways at night' thing. Oops! Oh well, everything's still cool. Well, not really, but I think you get it. Anyway, asshole, go find someone else who's actually willing to bang you when you're desperate, because I have, according to my brother, 'seriously important' things to be doing. Things that don't involve you. Honestly, you should think on your ways. It's shameful, really. Now, if you don't mind, kindly_ fuck off._"

The guy looked dumbfounded for a moment, then shook himself back into reality. "What are you talking about, you little shit? Now do as I say, or I'll kill your sorry ass."

"Uhh, yeah, sorry, but no thank you. You're really not my type, obviously, and I _told you_, I have _things_ to be doing. And before you get your hopes up, those things are not you."

The man's grip tightened, and he leaned in closer, his hands going to unbutton Deanna's suit jacket. Everything suddenly seemed vaguely reminiscent of the night at the bar, and Deanna knew what she had to do. Not realising what was coming out of her mouth, she hissed "Only Cas is allowed to pin me to walls, you son of a bitch!" and smashed a fist into the man's groin.

The guy was on the floor and crying in agony in record time, and Deanna just laughed. Settling her foot on the man's chest to keep him down, she pulled out her phone and began to dial 911. "Hey, yeah, I'm at," Deanna craned her neck to see a house number, "221 Minnow View. Some asshole just tried to pin me to wall. Yeah. No... hmmm. Okay."

"Please, oh god, that hurts!"

"Look, asshole, I don't have time for this bullshit, okay? My brother and Cas could be getting seriously hurt at this point, thanks to you ruining my tight schedule, so I have to go. However, if you don't turn yourself in when the police come, rest assured, I will personally see to it that I hunt you down and rip out your heart through your throat. Got it?"

The guy just whimpered something Deanna couldn't make out and sobbed into the pavement.

"Alright, I'm off then."

As Deanna turned to leave, it dawned on her what she had just said. _"Only Cas is allowed to pin me against walls!"_

Okay, so maybe it wasn't just the curse at work here.

* * *

Deanna headed down the rest of the alleyway, looking diligently at each door, until she finally reached apartment number 423. The door had faint scratch marks covering almost every inch, and a nerve-wracking, bloodied ram's skull hung on the door. "Wellp, this is most definitely it," Deanna laughed. "Could they be any more obvious?" Just then, there was a yell from behind the door that sounded suspiciously a lot like Sam's. _Oh - oh goddammit! They got to him already? I guess it's up to me then..._

_**Smash. **_Deanna kicked down the door in one swoop. Because smashing it was entirely needed. "ALRIGHT, PUSSIES, I'M HERE TO KICK ASS AND CHEW BUBBLEGUM, AND I'M ALL OUT OF BUBBLEGUM! I also really could do with a nice, warm slice of pie right now, so let's make this quick."

"D-Dee..." came a faint gasp.

Deanna barged into the room and took in her surroundings. Sam was tied to a chair and looking miserable, and a demon had an angel blade to Cas's throat. Nothing out of the ordinary. _Wait, angel blade?_

Searing adrenaline rushed through Deanna's veins, and something caught in her throat. Letting out her best battle cry, she charged at the demon, and practically high-kicked its face in with her heels. Which was epic, _**obviously!**_

"You little," the demon spat out blood onto the floor, "you'll pay for that."

"No, I won't."

The demon swiftly fell to the ground, the demon knife rammed violently through its stomach.

"Well, that flexibility will come in handy in the bedroom," Deanna shrugged and looked directly at Cas, because, dammit, there was no turning back now.

Cas blushed a brilliant shade of pink, and Deanna thought, _Hell, I could get used to this._

Sam groaned in disgust and tried desperately to get out of his restraints.

"Are you a-alright, Deanna?" Cas murmured in embarrassment.

"Yup, I'm good. I guess we're even with the whole 'life saving' thing!"

Sam, who finally managed to untie himself, looked even more sickened, and stumbled out the apartment door. "Please, can we just go? It was ridiculous how easily I managed to get myself captured. I should have been paying more attention."

"Okay, Sammy! Lead the way!"

Cas followed behind shyly, and Deanna felt pleased with herself. _He looks so flustered. Maybe there's hope for me yet._

* * *

Sam unlocked the door to the motel room, mind focused on his exhaustion, and fumbled for the light switch. "Deanna, Cas, I'm going straight to bed. Can you guys not watch T.V. tonight, please?"

"Yeah, yeah."

As the lights flickered on, Sam caught a glimpse of something shiny - something that looked suspiciously like a Twizzler wrapper. Sam didn't eat Twizzlers. No-one did. And Sam definitely hadn't known anyone who had... not since...

Fear and shock (_it wasn't hope, it wasn't hope_) ran through him, and he slowly brought his eyes to rest on the figure at the foot of his bed.

"Hello, boys. Did you miss me?" came a voice belonging to a pair of familiar golden eyes.

"_Gabriel?_"

* * *

**Ending Author's Note:** Damn, that was long, wasn't it? That was a bitch to write, but I still had a bucketload of fun. Really, that was the most fun I've had in ages. I even stayed up until four in the morning writing the first draft, and I had a test the next day! Oh, fanfiction, the things I do for you. Anyway, so, guess who's making it into the story? Okay, it wasn't much of a surprise. The summary kind of gave it away, but that doesn't matter! Our favourite candy-eating trickster is here, and here to stay! I hope you enjoyed everything, and again, I apologise for any bad writing. The bulk of this was, after all, written at four AM. However, I managed to get this all mildly edited in time for just after the newest Supernatural episode, so that's all good! Keep in mind that I said _mildly_ edited. _**Mildly.**_ _Yeahhhhh_, so...  
I also wanted to add that I understand there is a lot of introspection in this chapter, and I know that isn't always a good writing technique. I'm sorry! I just feel like our babies' thoughts are important to add to the story! It helps us see how each one is reacting to a certain situation. You know, character development?  
Oh, and before I go, I hope I didn't offend anyone with the _almost _rape scene. Deanna's surprisingly unfeeling and "I ain't even mad" reaction wasn't meant to be hurtful or purposefully inaccurate, I just wanted to use a plot device without going too much into the angst. Deanna isn't an angsty person, in my opinion.  
One last thing, I'm SO SORRY for the obsessive use of italics and bold characters in this chapter. It's just so beautiful!


	5. Pancakes and Strawberry Syrup

**Author's Note:** So, you don't really need to squint to see the Sabriel anymore. Or ever, since this is really Gabriel's first appearance. You probably won't need to look for it either, considering it's so potent you'd probably be able to see it even if you were blindfolded. That's just how I roll. Anyway, enjoy the chapter!  
**Warnings: **Language, sexual tension, mentions of anorexia that Deanna definitely doesn't have, Gabriel is ridiculously annoying. Just the usual.  
**Disclaimer: **If I actually owned Supernatural, Destiel would have been canon, like, twenty-five years ago.

* * *

Chapter Five - Pancakes and Strawberry Syrup

"_Gabriel?_"

"That's the one!"

"W-what the hell? I thought you were dead!"

"Oh, yeah, right, about that..." There was a nervous laugh.

"Gabriel, you could have told us, dammit! I was wor- I mean we were worried sick about you!" Sam snapped, clenching his fists, relaxing them, and then clenching them once more.

Deanna, who had been previously silent with shock, snapped out of her trance. "So," she said awkwardly, "what's the story, morning glory? How come you're up and kicking?"

"It's a long story, really. But, here goes nothing.  
"When I saw my stupid, stupid, power-crazed brother on that fateful night, I realised you two sons of bitches would be helpless without an archangel on your side. There was, unfortunately for me, no way that I could see myself winning an epic showdown against the _Devil_, so I decided to give it up and play dead for a while. You know, to get him off my trail long enough for me to come back and help you guys without getting burnt to a crisp. I haven't been able to contact you until just this second, and I mean that literally, because Lucy still had his attention focused on you two up until this point. I don't know why, but he seems to have taken a liking to you recently. It's only now that he's gotten lax with you boys." Gabriel lay back on the bed.

Sam wondered to himself why the angel was so calm and laid back when he'd almost been killed. _Multiple times._ "Wow, that's... well, that's pretty bad, actually. I don't exactly like the thought of Lucifer breathing down our necks," Sam shuddered.

"Yeah, you can say that again," Deanna interrupted. "That pretty much explains everything that has happened recently, though."

"Well, now I've told my story, it's your turn. What's been up with the Winchester broth-" Gabriel stopped and stared silently at Deanna for a moment, before bursting into a fit of unpleasantly raucous laughter. "Holy shit, Dean, what happened to you?" he gasped, choking down more guffaws.

Deanna noted that he sounded somewhat like a strangled and suffocating duck. "Your criminally insane brother happened, that's what," she hissed.

"W-what," more awful laughter, "what does Lucy have to do with you having tits?"

"Everything! He's the one who and caused this mess!"

"Oh, damn! _Damn!_" Gabriel snorted. "Someone's unlucky. Do you know how to fix it?"

"Yeah, I just have to wait it out, which is pain in the dick. Well, it would be, if I frickin' _had_ one."

This had Gabriel in hysterics once more.

"It's not funny! I have to deal with so much shit now! Shit that never even so much as crossed my mind before!" Deanna whined.

"Yeah, do I even wanna know?"

"No. No, you don't."

"Well, Jesus, it looks like you guys could do with my help. Plus-one to Team Free Will, anyone?"

"No!" Deanna yelled in unison with Sam's "Yes!"

"Wait, what?"

"Come on, Deanna, we need all the help we can get if Lucifer's going to be hovering over us." Sam shot her an angry glare.

"You know what? Fine! Go ahead, but don't come crying to me when you all get diabetes from just hanging around him." Deanna looked awful.

Sam sighed to himself. He knew Deanna didn't exactly like Gabriel, especially considering Gabriel did kill her a few hundred times... but that was all in the past, right? Surely?

"Come on, Dee, don't be that way," Gabriel smirked. "You know you love me!"

Deanna rushed forward and grabbed Gabriel by the shoulders. "I don't love you, _Gabriel_, and quite frankly, the only reason I'm settling for this is because we need the extra help," Deanna growled.

Everyone was silent for a moment, so Deanna took it upon herself, out of spite towards Sam for agreeing, to add, "And because my brother obviously has a mancrush on you for helping us out with Lucifer."

Sam turned red with embarrassment and stuttered out, "I d-don't have a MANCRUSH on Gabe!"

"Says the person who calls the man who turned him into a car and gave him GENITAL HERPES 'Gabe' after knowing him for, like, two days."

Sam seemed speechless for a moment, and eventually managed to stammer out "S-shut up, Deanna!"

Gabriel burst out laughing for the fiftieth time that night.

* * *

By the time Deanna woke up in the morning, Sam was already up and making breakfast (at least, as best he could with a microwave and a ridiculously tiny fridge), which was seriously unusual. Since when had Sam woken up before Deanna?

"Hey, Sam, what's up?" she said cautiously.

"I just wanted to make breakfast for everyone before we head back to the Batcave this afternoon!"

"You do know that neither Cas nor Gabriel need food, right? You didn't have to make that much."

Sam looked crestfallen. "There's no harm in making some for them anyway. You know how much Gabriel likes food..."

"No, no I don't. We don't even know Gabriel!"

Sam's expression changed to frustration. "You may not, but I do! I was trapped with him in Mystery Spot Town for ages, thank you very much."

"Sam, quit with the 'doting boyfriend' act. He's not your freaking husband, and, in fact, you're probably just creeping him out!" Deanna snapped.

"On the contrary, Dean-o," Gabriel hummed, walking out of the bathroom in a towel. "It's always nice to know someone cares."

"Oh, gross! Put a shirt on!" Deanna gagged.

Sam didn't seem so disgusted, however. Just the opposite, actually. Deanna felt like throwing up.

"Please, you two, get a room!"

"You're one to speak, Dee," Sam said defensively, "considering you're always flirting with a certain trench-coat-wearing angel named Castiel!"

Cas perked up upon hearing his name. "Hmm?"

Deanna swallowed embarrassment. "At least I... Okay, I had something for this, I swear."

Sam laughed and rolled his eyes, going back to serving Gabriel some chicken nuggets. At Deanna's confused look, Sam just sighed and said it was all they had.

"No! Stop! Don't eat those disgusting lumps of eww! We need to go to a proper diner before we hit the road!" Deanna ripped the plate of chicken nuggets out of Gabriel's unsuspecting grasp.

"I could do with some nourishment, yes. Where shall we go?" Castiel practically _sung_. He actually seemed _excited._

"Since when do you care about eating?" Deanna said with surprise.

"Since I tried the bacon you were eating the other day."

Deanna snorted with laughter. "Oh my GOD! That's genius! Hear that, guys? Cas is actually eating now!"

"You needn't take the Lord's name in vain..." Cas murmured under his breath.

"Oh shush, Cas! I'm not the one who calls people assbutts!" Deanna gave him a friendly pat on the back.

Cas flushed and said nothing else.

* * *

Deanna happily sat down at the diner's booth. "I'm starved!"

"Deanna, are you alright? You don't seem malnourished." Cas was immediately by her side.

"Jeeze, Cas, I didn't mean it literally. Someone's a little nervous." Secretly Deanna didn't mind all that much. Maybe Gabriel was right, it _was_ nice to feel like someone cared.

"My apologies. It would be tragic if you neglected yourself by refraining from eating."

"Refraining from eating? Who said anything about that?"

"I assumed since you said you were starved, yet there was so much food available to you..."

"Cas, woah. No, no way!"

"It's not an utterly ridiculous concept, you know! Just the other day I read about how women are prone to eating disorders!"

Deanna burst out laughing. "Thanks for looking up all the diseases and disorders I should be worrying about, but," Deanna choked on the iced water the waitress had just served, "that's just crazy! **ME** have an eating disorder? Have you forgotten who's addicted to pie?"

Cas looked hurt.

"Okay, sorry, sorry. I shouldn't be laughing. I appreciate that you care. C'mere, lemme give you a hug, buddy." Deanna leaned over to where Cas was sitting next to her and gave him a warm hug. Vaguely it occurred to her that the hug reminded her a lot of her mother's. Was she getting sappy? Probably. Did she care? Not at all. Cas was seriously warm and squishy anyway. _Oh, right, this is probably getting a little too long for Cas's tastes. Then again, when does he ever care about personal space?_ Deanna let the hug linger on for a few more seconds before pulling away. The blush on Cas's face was well worth the internal struggle that had caused, anyway. Are angels even supposed to blush?

"Ahem," Sam interrupted Deanna and Cas's resulting meaningful staring contest, "are we going to order or do I need to rent you two a separate motel room?"

"Sorry, sorry, yeah."

Luckily the waitress came over just in time.

"I'll have a bacon cheeseburger and fries, please!" Deanna chirped.

"I'll have what she's having," said Cas.

Sam rolled his eyes. "For breakfast, really? I'll have scrambled eggs and a fruit salad."

Gabriel rolled his eyes even harder than Sam had previously. "Losers, that's not how you eat breakfast! I'll have a stack of ten pancakes and strawberry syrup, please."

Sam almost spat out his drink. "Are you joking, Gabe? Ten? _AND_ strawberry syrup? If you weren't an angel, I'd say you'd be dead by now!"

Gabriel was about ready to give a witty retort, but the waitress's loud "Awwww!" cut in. "He thinks you're an angel, honey. That's so sweet!"

Before Sam or Gabriel could cry out in horror, she was off to the kitchen with their order.

"Well, _that_ was awkward," Deanna said, a wry smile forming on her face.

Sam shot Deanna a furious look that seemed to say, _If you so much as comment on this, you will wake up in a hospital bed, breathing through a tube._ Needless to say, Deanna shut up.

"So," Deanna tried to make casual conversation in light of the strange, tension-filled silence that followed, "what shall we be doing once we get to the Batcave?"

"I suspect we will be hunting local cases if we expect to be staying in the 'Batcave' for a while," Cas replied.

_Well, he certainly has everything figured out,_ thought Deanna. "Alright, whatever you say."

Cas seemed somehow pleased with this arrangement, and settled into a reverie while Deanna chatted to Sam and Gabriel about crazy hunting stories. Five minutes later, Deanna had moved onto telling the most insane ones.

"So, like, then the vampire jumps out, right? So I'm all 'Oh Christ, this is the end of my life! I'm heading straight back to Hell again, and Crowley's is going to be the first face I see. Gross.' So then, out of nowhere, mind you, Sam jumps out with his iPod playing freaking Selena Gomez meets Taylor Swift or some crap on full blast, and screams 'Heads up! Literally!' and beheads the guy. I was just standing there dumbfounded for, like, twenty minutes before I just started crying with laughter. It was genius."

Gabriel choked on his soda, spilled some, and ended up laughing too hard to even manage to wipe away the Mountain Dew that was slowly dripping off the diner table. It was at that opportune moment that the waitress arrived with their food. Instead of the usual roll of the eyes as if to say "Customers these days!", the waitress just giggled and said, "Aren't you four just a happy little family? Here's your food, dears." She walked off too fast for any replies for a second time, so the group just settled with staring silently at each other for a solid three minutes or so.

"I guess we are kind of a family," Deanna said thoughtfully. "I mean, Sam and I are related, right? Cas and Gabe are technically brothers in a really weird kind of way, so... yeah, the waitress is sort of right."

Before Sam could stop himself, he blurted out, "You're calling him Gabe now?"

Deanna looked physically pained by that comment. "Shush, Sammy. It's your fault because **_you_** keep calling him that. It's not mine. In the slightest. Clear?"

"Crystal!" Sam held up his hands in mock surrender.

Deanna looked shiftily at Gabriel. "You heard nothing." She narrowed her eyes.

"Yes, ma'am!" said Gabriel in a snap.

Gabriel looked somewhat confused and borderline terrified, so Deanna took that as a win on her part. Must be Ellen wearing off on her. Deanna then went back to staring at her burger like it had fallen from Heaven, and began to dig in.

* * *

They arrived at the Batcave in the early hours of the next morning, much to Deanna's chagrin, as she was the one who had to drive. Luckily, Deanna was allowed to sleep in when they stayed at the Batcave. Plus, she had her own room, so she didn't have to worry about getting woken up by Sam's snoring, the rustle of Gabriel opening sweet wrappers, or Cas's fervent page turning of his many works of theological literature.

Waking up in the morning was a pleasant experience, for once, and Deanna was pleased to finally have achieved an undisturbed night's sleep. Walking down the hallway and into the kitchen, Deanna was met with the absolutely _wonderful_ smell of scrambled eggs and toast. Expecting Sam or, God forbid, Cas to be cooking, Deanna doubled back when she saw that Gabriel was there, frying pan in hand, whipping up the morning's breakfast. "You cook?" she managed to splutter out.

"Thanks, Dean-o, it's really nice to see that you appreciate what I've done for you here. It's not like I spent hours working tirelessly to make the best breakfast mankind has ever witnessed."

"Sorry! Sorry! I, just, wow. This is not what I was expecting archangels to do in their free time."

Gabriel shot her a concerned glance. "You don't think we like to enjoy the same things humans do?" Then, realising what had just come out of his mouth, Gabriel waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "I can think of a few strictly-human things I enjoy."

"Christ, save that for your moose of a boyfriend."

"He was what I was referring to." Gabriel seemed to ignore the fact that Deanna had just called Sam his boyfriend.

"Oh, for God's sake! I actually wanted to keep my appetite for breakfast, thanks! I don't need to hear about how much you 'enjoy' my brother!"

"How much he what what who?" Sam came strolling into the kitchen in stripey pyjamas.

"Nothing, Moose! Nothing at all!"

"What are you scheming?" Sam said, a suspicious edge to his tone.

"Nothing to worry about, babe. I know what you're thinking, but there are no pranks involved here!" Gabriel wrapped an arm around Sam.

"Gabe, what are you doing?" Sam squeaked. That's right, practically-six-foot-tall Sam _squeaked._

"Oh, you know, just _enjoying myself._" Gabriel said pointedly, looking straight at Deanna.

"Get. A. Room." came a growl.

Deanna whipped around to see Cas standing behind her, hair dishevelled and eyes exhausted. "Someone get up on the wrong side of bed today?" she offered. Since when did Cas use and understand colloquialisms?

"I have no need of sleep, Deanna," Cas said matter-of-factly. Okay, so maybe he didn't understand colloquialisms. "I did, however, have an awful night. The Host would not quiet down, and I spent a total of three hours listening to Samandriel discuss the right way to prepare hot dogs with Balthazar. I had important studies in theology, among other things, to be paying full attention to!"

"Yeesh, sorry, man." Deanna paused for a moment before saying, "Among other things?"

"I have been studying modern dialect and entertainment."

"Modern who-ha and what-what?"

"Modern dialect and entertainment," Cas repeated. "I've been studying 'slang' and 'pop culture', as you might put it."

"What? You actually..." Deanna almost dropped her plate of beautifully-made scrambled eggs.

"Yes, I have taken it upon myself to learn how to understand your many references, so I can better please you."

Deanna actually had to put her plate down on the table to avoid smashing it. "Wording, Cas! Wording!" Deanna held her head in her palms. "You really have a lot to learn. I guess it does explain why you said 'Get a room.', though. Kind of a relief. I was worried you'd fallen and hit your head and woken up a totally different person for a moment there!"

Cas looked at Deanna like she'd grown three heads.

"Yeah, I'll stop rambling now." Deanna scooted awkwardly out of the kitchen to eat at the dining room table.

"So," said Sam, changing the subject blatantly, "anyone found a case?"

"Yep, actually!" Gabriel singsonged, practically skipping to the dining room table with his food. "I found this awesome case about a moose who eats too much salad. I think we should go and help him to eat something that doesn't taste like grass covered in mayonnaise. Something like this, perhaps." Gabriel handed Sam a dish chock-full of scrambled eggs, toast, bacon, and... was that an orange slice?

"Very funny, Gabe. How many times have I been called a moose today?" Sam dug into his breakfast anyway.

"But in all truth, I doubt any of us has found a case. Or that there are any cases. This town isn't exactly ghost material. Where are all the creepy houses and painful emotional-torment-filled tales of woe?"

Deanna rolled her eyes, but deep down she knew it was true. She couldn't exactly tell if that was a good thing. One thing she did know, however, that the boredom that comes from no hunting could cause terrible things to happen. Especially in a room with two hunters, an angel, and an archangel-gone-Pagan-god.

Little did she know, said boredom would get a lot more unbearable than she thought.

* * *

"Sam! Sam! Let's go watch another movie! I'm **so** bored, I could die! ...If that was possible, that is."

Gabriel had been complaining non-stop like this for the past week, and both Deanna, Sam, and Cas wanted to throw themselves off a cliff.

"You are such a handful, you know that?" Sam snapped through gritted teeth.

"But Sam, you're my only playboy, I mean toy. You're supposed to entertain me."

"I'm not supposed to do anything! Now kindly stop nagging me, or I'll trap you in Holy Fire!"

_Why isn't Sam denying being Gabriel's plaything?_ Deanna openly looked disgusted.

"You wouldn't do that, would you, Samsquatch?" Gabriel whined.

Deanna felt like smashing her head against the nearest wall until her brains leaked out of her ears. At least then she would be able to have some peace.

"Don't think things like that, Deanna. These are the type of thoughts that would give some people nightmares." Cas appeared out of absolutely nowhere to stand next to the unsuspecting hunter.

"Jesus christ, Cas! We seriously need to get you a bell or something! And woah with the mind reading!"

"Listening to other people's thoughts is a more entertaining activity than the other things that are available to me. Certainly it is more interesting than watching a show about pregnant sixteen year-old women or party-goers in the Jersey Shore."

Deanna rolled her eyes so hard they felt like they were about to run right out of her head. Clearly Cas really didn't understand the meaning of kind-of-sort-of-stalkerish-behaviour. "Yeah, whatever, man. I'm so done with this shit. I'm going out."

Cas perked up. "Going out? Can I come with?"

"Cas, just... you using colloquialisms is like watching an elephant try to tap dance in a tutu, but I appreciate the effort." Deanna gave him a slap on the back.

Cas just looked taken aback and followed her as she walked out the door. "Where are we going?" he asked, minutes later, as Deanna started the car.

"Literally anywhere that's not here. Gabriel is one annoying son of a bitch when he wants to be," Deanna shrugged. As they took off, Deanna sighed and tapped on the steering wheel. What was up with Gabriel and Sam?

* * *

A few mornings later was no better. "Gabe, you're up late! Since when do you sleep?" Sam inquired.

"Since there was literally nothing to do. At all."

"Are you alright, Gabe? Do you need some candy? I bought you some more Twizzlers!" Sam **_cooed_**, handing him a giant plastic bag with the words "SWEETVILLE" printed on them in big letters.

"Di-sgusting!" Deanna spat as she wandered down the stairs. "How long are you guys going to go on like this? Just bang already!"

"Deanna!" Sam gasped like the entire world had just personally offended him.

_As if I said anything the bastard didn't already know,_ Deanna thought sourly. Shaking her head silently to herself, she grabbed a pack of Twizzlers out of Sam's bag. She was absolutely and thoroughly through with Sam and Gabriel's palpable sexual tension. She needed to do something about it. And fast, too, before she suffocated in it. _What would someone awesome do in a situation like this?_ Deanna's mind was blank. _What am I supposed to do? Push them into each other and scream "NOW KISS!"?_ She sat, Twizzler hanging out of her mouth, in silence for a few seconds before realising. _That's __**exactly**__ what I'm gonna do! Just, a little more tasteful. I'm going to play matchmaker, and get Cas in the mean time. Since when have I been bad at multitasking anyway?_ Deanna rubbed her hands together in gleeful anticipation, ignoring the bitter _Since forever._ she heard in the back of her head. This was going to be _epic._

* * *

Many scrunched up "Deanna's Obviously Epic Plan" blueprints later, Deanna had found the perfect idea. Offer to cook dinner for everyone one night, and secretly plan for Cas to call her off to an "emergency" so Sam and Gabriel are left in the house alone. Then, they'd both realise she set up candles and got the TV to play "Titanic" in the background.

Okay, so maybe it was a little, if not ridiculously, cheesy. But, hey, she could work with that! Cheesy was good, right? It meant there was no escaping it - and by "it", Deanna meant how gay Sam and Gabriel were for each other, of course. It was a plan. A good plan. That wouldn't go wrong. Ever. _**For any reason.**_

* * *

"Cas, no, don't! You're going to break the frying pan! You can't stir seafood like that, no! Cas, the shrimp is going to spill everywhere!"

There was a clatter as some various sea creatures came flying out of the pan. "My apologies, Deanna."

"I don't have time to freakin' deal with this BS!" she gasped, grabbing frantically at more and more ingredients. Okay, that was it. She needed some heavenly help for this. "Cas, Cas, just... please just mojo some food into existence or something? You're going to fry your wings off."

"I cannot 'fry my wings off', Deanna, as they exist in an ethereal plane."

"Look, whatever, okay! I've gotta get my brother married off and I have, like, three minutes before he comes home from the supermarket with Gabe! Please, Cas, babe, just freakin'... work your magic fingers on this food or somethin'. I'm dying here!"

Cas froze. Deanna went pale. Did she actually let that slip? "Did you just call me 'babe'?"

"I, uhh, you know... I'm distracted, man! I don't even know what's coming out of my mouth! I'm gonna have a mental breakdown here!" _Best explanation ever, Deanna. Great freakin' job with that one. You could really beat a lie detector!_

Cas seemed to ignore it, however, aside from the small upturn of his mouth. Was Cas _smiling?_ When did he show actual _emotion?_ Deanna brushed it off, unfortunately, since she was too busy hugging the hell out of the guy when a fully cooked meal appeared in front of her. "I could marry you for this!" Deanna sung, ignoring the fact that her fat mouth was pretty much ruining everything.

Cas appeared pleased with himself, but Deanna didn't have time to notice, considering she was rushing faster than a cheetah over to the table to set up the meal and light the candles. "And, this has to just... no! The curtains are all wrong! If I make it out of here without having a heart attack, I'll..." Grasping at straws at this point, Deanna just hoped to God in Heaven (well, not really...) that it would look "romantic" enough. "Alright, time to set the plan in action. Act casual, Cas. Don't try to lie, since you suck balls at anything remotely 'sinful', but please don't ruin this by letting everything spill!"

"I won't ruin your strange form of sisterly affection, Deanna. Though, are you sure this will work?"

"Don't worry, don't worry. Everything will be just fine." Deanna's smile twitched and faltered, and Cas understood then what it meant to feel true fear. This was not going to end well.

* * *

Deanna and Cas had been sitting awkwardly at the table for ten minutes before her phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, Dee, it's me Sam. We're stuck in traffic, and Gabriel's asleep, so we can't fly there. I think we'll probably be home in about an hour. I'll just pick up some McDonalds for dinner, alright?"

Deanna wanted to shoot herself at this point. "Heh, heh, heh. N-no, Sam, that's okay. You just... do that."

"What is it?" Cas gave Deanna a puzzled glance, before returning to staring at the apparently "mesmerising" candle flame.

"They're not coming. They're not freaking coming!" Deanna pretty much slammed her face into the bowl of seafood.

"Deanna?"

"Shup up, Caf, um eatin' dis gof damb food."

Deanna probably needed some professional matchmaking help.

* * *

"Hey, Charlie, it's me, Dean." Deanna fiddled with her hair and bit her lip, preparing for Charlie's shitstorm of laughter at her voice.

"What are you even... Dean, did you ingest some helium or something, cuz, man, you do not sound right."

"Okay, so it's a long story, but I may or may not have been genderbent by the Devil."

"Hel-lo, baby. What do you look like? Are you hot?" There was a catcall at the other end of the line.

"Hilarious, Charlie. I really, really need your help. And it doesn't have to do with me having a vagina, so don't even ask."

"Alright, what's up, She-Man?" Charlie's tone was warm, despite her teasing. Deanna visibly relaxed. It was still awkward for her to talk about being a chick.

"Right, so my brother and an archangel are kind of really gay for each other, and I'd like to enlist you into my matchmaking team."

"Your matchmaking team which consists of whom?"

"Cas and me."

Charlie laughed. "Okay, it looks like you're going to need a professional. Never fear, though, as I am a qualified wingwoman. Your brother and this angel will be all over each other in no time. Oh, and if you don't mind, I'm going to bring Becky along."

"You _know_ Becky?"

"Well, yeah! I met her at a Supernatural convention, and she told me all about how she knows you guys."

"You go to Supernatural conventions?"

"Shhh. If anyone asks, like Sam, for example, I don't go to them. Cool?"

"I'm going to get you for this."

"You know you love me!" And the line went dead.

* * *

There was a knock at the door a few days later. As Deanna walked over and heard a squeal of "Sabriel is legit real! I've got to post this on Tumblr!", she knew exactly who it was.

"Hello, ladies!" Deanna answered the door, steadying herself for Becky's frankly insane enthusiasm.

"Dean, Dean! I've brought fanfiction and everything," Becky said as she desperately tried to catch stray papers floating in the wind.

Deanna caught one of them, bringing it up to her face, and read aloud, "Sam reached out a hand to touch Gabriel's face. The archangel trembled against his touch, and Sam said, with clarity 'I love you.' and all was well. Fin."

Charlie rolled her eyes, Deanna all but died, and Becky grinned at the piece of paper like it was God. "That's not right," Deanna said, and beckoned the two inside.

"You're the one who's taking on the matchmaking duty as leader of the group," Charlie pointed out.

"I didn't need," Deanna motioned to the giant stack of paper, "that."

"Well, too bad, Dee-dee! We're using it to help us come up with a plan!"

Opting to ignore the nickname, Deanna held her face in her hands. "You mean to say you haven't already got a plan?"

"Nahhh, I was coming up with a bunch in the car on the way over but Charlie said they were much too 'pornographic' for anyone's taste. I don't get it, Sam touching Gabriel's-"

Charlie covered Becky's mouth with her hand. "That's enough now, Becks, I think we should refrain from making Deanna vomit everywhere, don't you?"

"Mmmph!" Becky cried, slapping away Charlie's hand. "Jeeze, I was just saying."

"Okay, time to not... do this... and start brainstorming." Deanna waved them towards her room.

* * *

"I've got it!" Becky screeched, throwing some papers in the air.

"What, what, what?" Deanna looked up from her position on the bed reading a twenty-page fanfiction."

"A plan! Look, lemme explain, okay? It's great, trust me.

"First, we'll all have a totally normal day, right? You'll just say we're staying here for fun, and then we'll all go eat or something. But then, Garth, who I texted and agreed to join the matchmaking team, will call us, okay? He'll be all like," Becky put on her best manly voice, "'Guys, I have a case in the town you're in right now.' So, he'll explain to us that there's a ghost haunting a building that used to be a psychiatric therapy place, you know, full of psychos, but now is a marriage counceling office, right? So, Gabe and Sam will have to disguise themselves as a married couple going for counceling because people say their sex life is too wild, to distract the therapists while we sneak in and gank the 'ghost'. The ghost will actually just be an illusion that some kind of angel makes. Sound like a plan?"

"Well, yeah, that's actually pretty creative," Deanna said with care, "but who's going to make the illusion? Cas is 100% awful at lying and probably not powerful enough, and Gabriel is kind of the butt of this joke, so..."

"Oh! I know! What about divine intervention? We could pray to God!" Becky squealed excitedly.

"Are you actually freaking kidding me? Cas and I gave up on that shit ages ago, Becky! Do you really think God's gonna send down a posse of archangels or something to help us play cupid?"

"Whatever!" Becky said, and it seemed to shut everyone up. "I'm praying anyways."

Deanna shook her head and waited for Becky's unfortunately inevitable humiliation. "Go ahead, Becks, but I don't think anything's gonna happen."

Becky waved a hand at her dismissively. "Dear God up in Heaven, as you probably know, matchmaking is a super huge deal. Deanna was, like, totally trying to get Sam and Gabriel to bang, but, no offence, she sucked at it. So, she called us! Us being me, Becky, and Charlie! We're trying to do this thingy where we get Gabe and Sammy to pretend to be married, but we sort of ran into some trouble... Anyway, we were wondering if you could help us? We'll explain if you can come down here or send an angel down or something! Amen."

Deanna was honestly expecting nothing to happen, so she was pretty surprised when a small, decorated piece of paper came floating down out of nowhere. Picking it up and noticing the elegant handwriting, Deanna read aloud, "Hi guys, it's me, God! I'm sorry I haven't been doing anything since almost forever, but I was sort of... dormant? Anyway, I'm back (woot!), and matchmaking seems like the perfect job to start with."

"God actually says 'woot!'?" Deanna asked, looking dumbly at the note.

"God seems totes cool, guys!" Becky squealed. "See, I told you it would work!"

And, at that moment, there was a loud _woosh_, and a man fell onto the floor out of thin air.

"_**Chuck?!**_"

(_Cue commercial break!)_

* * *

"So, what you're telling us is... you're God," Deanna said with great skepticism.

"Basically, yeah," Chuck shrugged.

"OH MY GOD, I MEAN GOSH, GUYS! MY BOYFRIEND IS GOD!" Becky screamed.

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

"Alright," Chuck said, looking thoughtful, "I've got the fake ghost all set up, so now all we have to do is call Garth to get the ball rolling, right?"

"That was fast," Deanna muttered.

"I'm God. Of course it was fast."

Becky rushed into the room. "I called Garth already! He's going to call us all in a moment, so we have to get set up and look innocent ASAP!"

Deanna shot up and ran over to the door to her room, craning her neck to get a better look of the outside. "Okay, Chuck, in the most non-offensive way possible, you needa' disappear. Nobody knows you're here, so, you can't just poof out of nowhere. Cas'll know you're his long lost pops, too, and we can't deal with that right now."

"Point taken," He sighed, and got up to leave.

"Thanks for the help, God. It means a lot," Deanna added as an afterthought. She didn't want to seem unappreciative, after all.

"No problem." He disappeared in a ray of light.

"Alright, Becky, Charlie, you go sit on the couch and look completely normal. Put on some T.V. or something so nobody suspects. I will be pretending to make crappy microwave meals, because that's the most boring and normal thing I can possibly think of right now. Deal?"

Neither acknowledged her, as they had no time, but they both ran out of the room faster than a flying angel on LSD. By the time Deanna managed to get off her bed where she had sat down again, walk into the room, and get microwavable linguini out of the freezer, Charlie and Becky had managed to make themselves look like they'd been sitting on the couch for the entire day. Complete with dark circles under their eyes, which Deanna didn't even know how they accomplished. Honestly, did they have professional makeup artists trailing after them or something? Before Deanna could roll her eyes, the phone rang. _Look normal, look normal._

"Hello?" came Sam's voice.

Okay, Sam picked up the phone. They could work with this.

"A case? Really? Where? Hmm, I see. A marriage counseling centre? Are you sure? Yeah, okay. I guess we'll have to, then. That's not going to be easy to explain. Right. Okay, buh-bye!"

The plan hadn't actually failed. Deanna was generally surprised that nothing had gone wrong, especially considering she had been expecting the freaking phone to explode.

"Guys, Garth has just given us a case! Problem is, it's at a marriage counseling centre, and the only way to get in is to, well, pretend we're married. Becky, Charlie, you guys will help us hunt the ghost, because Gabe and I are going to have to pretend to be married and distract them. Deanna and Cas will probably have to pose as a married couple as well," Sam announced.

_Wait, pretend to be married to Cas? Nobody mentioned this!_ Deanna thought, horror settling in plain sight onto her face. By the looks on Charlie and Becky's faces, they had planned this to happen, as well. _Those bastards!_

"Uhm, okay," Deanna said slowly. She was pretty sure her eye was twitching, but she couldn't get it to stop.

"Alright. I guess we should head out as soon as we can," Sam said, before pausing to yell, "Gabe! Cas! Get your feathery asses down here! We have a case!"

Gabe was down the stairs in a shot, a wild grin plastered onto his face. "Yes, finally! It's about damn time!"

Cas walked down the staircase more cautiously. "What is it? Deanna doesn't look particularly pleased about this case."

"You see, the thing is... it's kind of at a marriage counseling centre," Deanna shrugged and tried her best to mock nonchalance.

"Yes?" Cas willed her to continue.

"We sort of kind of maybe have to perhaps sort of kind of pretend to be married. You too, Gabe, but with Sammy."

Cas and Gabriel's faces changed from "Best day ever!" to "I'm going to go hang myself, I'll be right back." in half a second flat.

"You're kidding me, right?" Gabriel hissed. "For all the thousands of years I've lived, I've never once lived a married day in my life! How should I be expected to make it convincing?"

"Oh, stop moping, archangel," Charlie cut in. "Just pretend it's one of those Rom-Com soap operas I see you watch all the time."

That shut Gabriel up nicely.

"Cas, I know you're not particularly good with romance, but surely you've watched enough television to know how it works?" Deanna asked, a pleading look on her face.

"Yes, sweetie," Cas said, rushing to Deanna's side and hooking their arms together. "Whatever you want, dear."

Well, that was awkward. Gabriel burst into uncontrollable laughter. Deanna shot him a furious look. "You are a deplorable human being."

"Wow, Deanie Weanie, has your _husband_ been teaching you fancy words?" Gabriel retorted, snorting.

"Can we please go now?" Sam interrupted. He massaged his temples and walked out of the room before anyone could reply with a loud and collective "No!", so the ragtag group ended up following him outside.

"Please, Deanna, just get in and drive," Sam hissed and downed what seemed like a bottle of Tylenol. At everyone's strange looks, he replied with, "You've all given me a headache, thanks."

There were too many of them to fit in the seats, so Cas ended up huddled around Gabriel's feet and tried not to get his face kicked in. Deanna quite frankly was not looking forward to this at all.

* * *

"So, my dears, tell me about yourselves," said a young woman in an honestly awful looking floral dress. Sam and Gabriel had to physically restrain themselves from making snarky comments.

_According to Charlie and Becky, we're allowed to have fun,_ thought Gabriel, _so, does this mean I can go all out?_ He smirked and winked at Sam. "Well, all our friends say our relationship has too much passion."

Sam's eyes revealed his shock for a split second before they washed over with an emotion Gabriel couldn't recognise. He blinked innocently once or twice, and Gabriel knew it was on. Like Donkey Kong.

"They just don't understand the nature of our marriage, honey bunches," Sam singsonged. "We have a very... pleasurable," Sam lingered on the word longer than necessary, "relationship, you see."

Gabriel had to swallow down a laugh at that one. _Honey bunches? Really? I can do better than that._ "It's alright, pumpkin patch, they just don't have the youthful energy that we do."

"No, sugarcakes, I think it might be a little too much!" Sam turned to the therapist, "That's why we're here, miss. I don't know how to tone it down."

Oh, this was going to be good.

* * *

Deanna chewed her lip and looked at Cas. Could he pull this off? She really hoped so. Sighing, her eyes wandered to the woman sitting in front of them.

"So, what brings you two here today?" the lady asked.

Before Deanna could explain anything, Cas answered for her. "My wife and I are deeply in love. Unfortunately, though, we cannot have a child, as she had gender reassignment surgery."

Deanna almost choked on her own spit. _Gender reassignment surgery? Cas, if this was intentional, so help me God..._ "Yes, we were once a gay couple happily in love. I was so surprised when he decided to stay with me after I told him about my decision!"

"Oh, that's so sweet!" the woman chimed in. It sounded sickeningly sugar-coated.

"We really want children, but we can't adopt because of our family, who are completely against it. Honestly, we're at a loss, and it's beginning to affect our marriage," Cas said solemnly.

_How is he such a good actor?_ "Yes, I'm so upset. His mother is so insistent."

"Well, my dear, it seems like you need to get rid of this dependent relationship on your mother. If you really want to adopt a child, you should go for it."

Deanna nodded fervently. "See? That's what I said!"

* * *

Charlie and Becky stalked through the dark hallways of the counseling office. "Honestly, I can't believe we actually did this," Charlie grumbled.

"Don't worry, this will all work perfectly. The fact that they're so fantastic at faking their marriage will obviously let them know that they're in love," Becky reassured her.

"Alright, well, I guess we have to act like this ghost is actually going to kill us, right?" Charlie sighed.

"Yeah, let's go!"

Charlie and Becky took off running down the hallway, and ran straight into the fake ghost. It looked exactly like a person wearing a white sheet. "Really, Chuck?" Charlie moaned. "How are we supposed to make this look realistic?"

Becky proceeded to let out the most realistic, bloodcurdling scream Charlie had ever heard. "What the hell?" she gasped. Her ears were ringing, so it was hard to make out what Becky was saying, but it sounded somewhat like, "I roleplay."

Deanna came running down the hall, Cas trailing behind her, holding her hand. "Are you alright? What happened?" Deanna looked pale.

"Sorry, the ghost just looked absolutely horrific, but Charlie found what it was hanging onto and burnt the hell out of it. It was attached to an old wedding ring," Becky said calmly. It was as if nothing had ever happened, which Charlie found somewhat unsettling. How could she go from absolutely terrified to completely calm and collected in a matter of seconds?

"Oh, uhm, alright." Deanna was about to turn around and go get Sam and Gabe so they could leave, but she was suddenly thrown against a wall by an invisible force.

"What the hell?" Charlie gasped, looking around and spotting a semi-transparent figure. "That's not the ghost we saw earlier!"

"Two of them?" Cas asked, rushing forward with an iron crowbar that Deanna was sure she hadn't seen on him previously.

"Didn't someone mention this used to be a psychiatric ward?" Becky said, more to herself than anyone else.

"Now you tell us?" Deanna screeched and threw a knife at the ghost from across the hallway.

"_I did!_"

"Didn't you feel the need to tell us there were going to be real ghosts?"

"Real ghosts?" Cas gave Deanna a suspicious glare.

"Okay, so this was a matchmaking plan! Don't tell Sam and Gabe!" Deanna begged.

"Matchmaking plan?" came an angry hiss from around the corner. Sam and Gabe stalked over.

"Oh, christ! Look, there's a crazy ghost on a rampage right over there," Deanna pointed stubbornly to the end of the hallway, "so I don't exactly have time to apologise for trying to get you two to bang!"

"Trying to get us to bang?" Sam snapped and completely ignored the ghost that came rushing towards him. Gabriel slapped it away with a single hand and joined Sam in angrily approaching Deanna.

"Trying to get me to screw the Moose, Dean-o?"

Deanna pictured a magic 8-ball in her head. "Outlook not positive."

"This was a matchmaking plan? You think your brother and my brother should engage in a non-platonic relationship?" Cas looked completely dumbfounded.

"No shit, Sherlock!" Deanna whispered through gritted teeth.

The ghost came flying over once more and hurled itself at Gabriel, who then grabbed its head and smote it as if it was no more than an ant. "You're trying to play cupid?" Gabriel looked more confused than anything now.

"Yeah, yeah I am."

"Why?" Sam replied at the same time as Gabriel.

"Because the sexual tension between you two was tangible!" Cas sighed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"See? Even Cas noticed!" Deanna shot back.

Sam and Gabe gave Deanna a long, judgmental look, and then turned back to whisper to each other.

"Are they having a private lovers' meeting?" Becky asked.

Deanna covered her face with her hands and groaned.

* * *

The way back to the Batcave was so awkward it hurt. Deanna drummed her fingers against the smooth leather of the steering wheel and hoped to God that she wasn't going to get murdered in cold blood by her own brother.

"Stop doing that!" Sam growled.

"Did you guys sort out your feels?" Becky asked and ignored the nervous stares she was getting from everyone else in the car.

"Don't ask that, Gabriel will smite you!" Charlie elbowed Becky's side.

"No, no, he won't! He's too busy trying to figure out why he wants to shove his tongue down Sam's th-" Charlie smacked a hand over Becky's mouth for the second time that day.

"She said nothing. Nothing just happened."

"No, no, it's true," Gabe sighed. "I admit, my Samsquatch feels aren't exactly... PG rated."

"My 'feels'," Sam cringed at the word, "aren't platonic either."

"Really?" Gabriel seemed to visibly brighten.

"Oh, keep it in your pants until we get home, please!" Deanna cried.

Becky started giggling, which continued spreading until everyone in the car was choking down giggles of their own. "Stop it!" Cas tried not to smile. "This is supposed to be a serious moment of insight and understanding!"

Deanna swerved and almost crashed the car into a tree.

* * *

**Ending Author's Note:** That was a ridiculously long chapter... FML? There are only going to be a few more chapters before the end, though, I'm so sorry! Anyway, that was so much fun to create, especially trying to write Gabriel for the first time. He's a whole bundle of joy and all, but it's not exactly easy to put him on paper. Figuratively, of course, since I type this. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter; I'll definitely try to get the next one up soon! Peace out, bitches!


	6. Plans Gone Wrong

**Author's Note:** Well, hello, again! I'm sorry about this, but this is going to be the second-to-last chapter! I know, it's terrible, it's awful, but I've really come to a close. It would be ridiculous if I kept dragging it on endlessly anyway. I seriously hope you enjoy this chapter! I've got a few other stories and oneshots coming, not really in this 'verse, but still, they're stories nonetheless. So maybe that will help this feel a little less final! Umm, I wanted to apologise about how late this came. However, today, the twenty-eighth of May is my birthday, so I was kind of distracted. I guess this is my present to myself. Happy birthday, me! You wasted your life writing fanfiction, yay! Naww, I'm kidding. I love you guys.  
**Warnings:** Intensive swearing? I don't know, it's not really that bad.  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own Supernatural. That's pretty obvious, though.

* * *

Chapter Six - Plans Gone Wrong

Charlie slammed the door and huffed. That ghost was **not** supposed to be that strong! Honestly, she had anticipated it and everything, yet it still managed to pin her. _Lucky Deanna was there,_ she thought sulkily.

"I can see that look on your face, Charls!" Becky snapped. "Don't be so emo and stuff! The ghost was big enough to cover us all like a big blanket, so it's not like you're pathetic for getting pinned down. It was super fat, ugh."

"Ever since we started hunting with Team Free Will, I've been getting the lame ghosts! I was _trying_ to get something awesome this time, but all I got was some flabby ghost on my head." Charlie scrunched up her face and shuddered. This was not going to make a good memory in her Hunter's Scrapbook. Do hunters have scrapbooks? They do now.

"Don't worry your pretty little face about it, Charls," Becky rested a hand on her shoulder, "because you'll find the perfect ghost eventually."

"Thanks, Becks." Charlie gave her a warm smile.

She and Becky had become much closer ever since the whole incident a few days ago at the counseling office. Once the two of them had gotten a taste for _real_ hunting, they'd not been able to stop. Deanna had been furious about it at first, but that was probably because they hid in the trunk of her Impala so that they could be brought along on the hunt in secret. It had gone surprisingly well, but Deanna had still been absolutely hopping mad, not to mention flabbergasted. To her, hunting was fun, but a dangerous burden she wouldn't choose to carry if she had to do everything over. Charlie understood this, but what she didn't get was why Deanna felt the need to stop everyone else from joining the profession (or at least, if that's what you could call it. It wasn't much of a job, really. There was no money, too, which was a real shame). Didn't she want new people to be recruited? Hunters get old and/or die, so why not have a constant fresh stream of new ones flowing in? Charlie just didn't get Deanna's unnecessary worries. Honestly, Deanna was just like a mother hen. That thought had her bursting into a fit of laughter, and even Becky, queen of random outbursts, looked confused. "Sorry, sorry. I was just thinking about how Deanna is such a mother hen. Isn't she, Becks?"

Becky thought to herself for a moment before nodding. "You're totally right! She's just like my grandma! And, thinking about it, Cas is a mother hen, too. Father rooster?"

Charlie snorted at that. "Father rooster? Oh, who am I kidding? That's genius."

Becky quieted for a moment and seemed to be contemplating something serious. "Hey, talking of Dee and Cas, don't we have a job to be doing?"

"Job? You mean killing ghosts, because I am completely tired out for today?"

"No, no! I mean our matchmaking duties! Deanna may have lead Operation Sabriel, which was a total success, but what about Operation Destiel?"

"Operation Destiel?" Charlie didn't look amused. "Matchmaking wasn't exactly fun, Becky. With Deanna and Cas, it would be so much worse."

"Look, Charls, I totes understand where you're coming from here. Operation Sabriel ended with us getting slammed against walls, and not in the kinky way," Becky sighed and shook her head to herself, as if it were a real disappointment. "However, I think it's our duty as Deanna's go-to people to get her and her boyfriend to bang, don't you?"

Charlie thought this over for a moment. "I guess I see what you're saying. Why don't we ask Deanna how she feels first? We won't mention any matchmaking, I promise," Charlie held her hands up, "but we should have a girl talk about it, at least."

"Okay, deal."

They shook on it.

* * *

"So, Deanna," said Charlie as casually as possible, "how are you and Cas?"

Becky and Charlie sat on either side of Deanna on her bed. This meant their "girl talk" was serious business.

"Me and Cas?" Deanna's face changed to a mixture of puzzlement and surprise. "That's a little... random, but we're good, I guess."

"We're good, I guess?" Becky repeated as she nodded her head profusely. "I see, I see." Where was Becky's clipboard when she needed it?

"What's this about?" Deanna's eyes narrowed. Not a good sign!

"Nothing, nothing, I swear! We just... kindofseethewayyoulookathim," Charlie said in record time.

"What the hell? See the way I look at him? I'm not some bimbo blonde in a stupid romance movie! I don't look at him like anything!"

Okay, so Deanna was a little edgy. "Deep breaths, Dee!" Becky cried and rushed forward to "comfortingly" brush her hands across Deanna's face.

"Look, Dee, stop it. You look at him like he is the finest piece of ass in the entire world. I know that look, okay? I know it because it's my 'pick up chicks' face," Charlie snapped. She tried to put on her best stern look, but she wasn't exactly a stern person. She figured she probably ended up looking constipated.

"Fine, fine, okay! But, before you ask - because I know you will - I'm not going to do anything about it, _comprende_? What if this all turns out to be a result of Lucifer's curse and it blows over when I turn back? I'm not gay, guys. I don't want to mess Cas around."

_Not gay, my ass,_ Charlie smirked, but bit back her snide remark.

"Honey," Becky looked somberly at Deanna, "for now, all that 'after the curse' stuff doesn't matter. I hate to sound like someone out of a really awful, sexist, cliché, stupid, dumb, retarded, lame-o chick flick, but you need to just go get your man, girl."

"Someone really hates chick flicks." Charlie gave Becky a confused glance.

"They're evil. I bet you Lucifer made them, too. Anyway, seriously, Dee. Go for it!"

"I can't, guys." At the mercy of Charlie and Becky's critical eye, Deanna added, "Look, I just can't. It's never going to work because my life gets in the way. All the signs point to no, you two, so get over it. And don't try anything fishy!"

"Of course!" they both said.

Deanna had a sneaking suspicion this was a lie.

* * *

"Alright!" Becky slammed a large stack of laminated papers down on their desks.

Having their own private room in the Batcave came in handy. Mainly for planning ingenious matchmaking scenarios.

"What's all that?" Charlie asked.

"A comparison diagram of the human and angelic endocrine systems," Becky said with ease.

"Where the hell did you get that?"

"I made it myself," Becky murmured sheepishly.

"You made it yourself? Holy crap, Becks, you are a genius!"

"Well, I wouldn't say that..." Becky trailed her foot across the floor and hooked her arms behind her back.

"Lemme see this. You study anatomy? Geeze, and hormones, too. That's just, so... you!" Charlie snatched at a few diagrams. "In a good way, of course," she added.

"Well, thanks, I guess."

"Oh my GOD! You have nervous systems and emotions and everything about angels here, don't you? This is perfect! We'll use our knowledge of psychology and anatomy to help us plan out the perfect matchmaking situation. That's what you were thinking, right?"

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking."

"Alright, let's get to work." Charlie's grin stretched wide across her face. This was going to be, as Becky put it, "an unsinkable ship".

* * *

Charlie and Becky had taken to observing Deanna and Cas's behaviours. They knew - _they knew -_ that the two were in love, but they just couldn't come up with anything good enough to get the two together. Sneaking around behind their backs was getting old, too, more so now since Deanna was getting suspicious. But who wouldn't after seeing two of your friends refuse to meet your eye for days on end? So, Charlie and Becky needed to come up with a working, unwavering and stable, decent plan. And fast, before Deanna found out. They knew the inevitable hell that would unleash if Deanna realised they were once again taking up matchmaking. The dangers of the last attempt were far too real for either of them to deny that Deanna's cautiousness was warranted. Yet the two of them did it anyway, because they were stupidly determined like that. Plus, Becky wasn't just stubborn or one to give up, she was dedicated, and Charlie knew it would break her heart if they stopped now. So, on they went, planning and planning, reading and re-reading Charlie's chicken scratch as she hatched out ideas upon more ideas, until one day, it happened. They found it - the perfect plan. It was surprising that they hadn't found it earlier, as it was depressingly clichéd.

It was on a strangely normal and uneventful day that they discovered it. Becky was sitting calmly on the bed, deep in thought, and Charlie was at her computer playing Half-Life 2 and silently screaming at antlions. Suddenly, Becky sat up and gave Charlie a long, meaningful stare.

"Charls, I have it."

"Have what?"

"The matchmaking plan. It's so simple, Charls! Why I hadn't thought of it earlier, I have no idea."

"Well, do tell!" Charlie excitedly dashed from the swivel-chair and to the bed.

"We put them in dangerous situations, so that they can realise that they need and depend on each other not out of some fake, shallow lust that Lucifer's so-called hand is responsible for, but rather because they're hopelessly in love."

"That's brilliant. Becky, I love you. Thank you for this, you genius, you."

And so it was then that the plan had begun.

* * *

"Should we lock them in an angel warded closet?" Becky had offered one day.

This was when they realised that they were seriously getting desperate. How were they supposed to put Cas and Dee in a situation dangerous enough for the two of them to become dependent on each other? They were in dangerous situations every day! It wasn't as if you could stick them in any old place and hope something happened. Even if something did happen, however, the couple consisted of a hunter and an angel, not a damsel in distress and her nerdy prince, like they looked. Supernatural things didn't even faze them, so how would a robbery or something else remotely risky be enough for them? This was Charlie and Becky's dilemma. So, naturally, like any desperate semi-but-not-really-religious (how could they not be, though, when one of their best friends was an angel) person would, they prayed to God. Except, this time they actually expected him to do something about it.

"Dearest God," cried Becky as she knelt down and held her hands skyward, "we are requesting your humble assistance! It is of the utmost importance, you see! We need more matchmaking help!"

Chuck appeared in a puff of... was that fairy dust? "Hello, guys! What'll it be? More ghosts?"

Charlie paced back and forth in a flurry of frustration. "We've been trying to figure this shit out for days now. We need to put Cas and Dean in a dangerous situation, but danger happens to be their middle names. Oh, thanks for coming, by the way."

Chuck looked thoughtful for a moment. "I don't actually have any ideas. I know, it really sounds pretty bad, but I'm a little distracted right now."

"Distracted? With what?"

"I may or may not be writing fanfiction... for my own series."

Charlie slammed down Becky's books against her desk. "I can't even get divine intervention to work! That's it, we can deal with this later. For now, I want to discuss the issue of Deanna actually being a guy."

Becky let out a sinister giggle. "Oh, yes," she rubbed her hands together, "that."

Charlie chewed her pen and drummed her fingers against her other hand. Grabbing a piece of paper, she made her way to the bed, sat down, and started doodling two stick figures - one with an obnoxiously spikey haircut, and the other with adorable, fluffy wings. "So, you know, I really don't think Dean's gay for Cas because he has lady parts now." She drew two giant boobs on the stick figure, which was rather unsettling. "I think they're gay for each other in general. Which makes this a whole lot easier."

"Why do you think they're gay for each other in general?" Becky asked, but it wasn't like she didn't know the answer to that question.

"Becks, you've read the books. Don't give me that. I mean, 'The last person who looked at me like that, I got laid.' Really?"

"True, true," Becky shrugged.

"Don't play the nonchalant card, Becky. I know you ship them harder than Wincest."

Becky tried to hide a smile, which was near impossible for her, and grabbed the doodle pad out of Charlie's hands. "Okay, look," she offered, drawing a picture of a skeleton, "this is the bad guy. We've just got to trap them in a room and let them do the rest." She proceeded to draw a crude picture of the two stick figures making out.

"And... images," Charlie shuddered.

"Now, we wait. A bad-touch situation will come up eventually."

"Bad-touch situation?"

"It's what I call the times where Dean and Cas get in danger in the books."

Chuck held up his hands, and then brought them down again to pinch the bridge of his nose.

* * *

Nothing had happened for the past few days. That was, until Gabriel and Sam barged through the door one night, gasping for breath and covered in bruises. "It's- it's," Sam spluttered out, coughing and hacking like he'd been smoking a cigarette for the first time.

"What, into BDSM now, boys?" Deanna smirked, putting down her newspaper.

"No, it's terrible, Deanna! It's terrible! There's- there's," Sam choked down a horrible gasp, "smoke. Smoke everywhere. Killing the town's residents."

Deanna's face fell.

Gabriel cut in, "There are rumours. They say it's a skeleton made out of ashen smoke. I thought it was a demon, but since when do demons take form?"

"So, what is it?"

"That's the problem. We have no idea."

Deanna got up and marched straight over to them. "Tell me all you know about this case."

* * *

"It has been going on for the past few days. We didn't tell you because you evidently were in need of a huge break. I mean, with the stress of Lucifer tailing us and all," Sam said solemnly.

Deanna hummed in contemplation. "Have you heard descriptions of it? I mean, have you actually seen it?"

"The hunters in this county have been amassing records on it. They have a few bystanders' accounts."

"So, tell me about it," Deanna whispered with impatience.

"All accounts say it has the appearance of a human skeleton. Some describe it as being black or grey, some even mention the smoke looks so realistic, it could be rotten flesh. Some say it has wings, others say its eyes glow upon the occasional lucky glance. It's very ambiguous, which I suspect is caused by the sheer speed of the bastard. Nobody can get a good look."

"This is all you've got to work with? Fair enough. Is it mentioned in any books?"

"Thing is, we set out to find it first. We haven't, you know, researched it yet." Sam gave a guilty wince.

Deanna growled and tore at the edges of her newspaper. "We have to tell the others. They'll need to know about this. You start researching."

* * *

Becky and Charlie should rightfully have been shitting bricks. In all honesty, they should have taken off running a long, long time ago. They, however, were ecstatic. What could possibly be more dangerous than an unknown enemy on a crazy, murderous rampage? This was the absolute _perfect_ opportunity. So, they planned and planned to convince Team Free Will to fight it. First, they knew, the brothers would have to research the thing. This pretty much defined the success of their scheme, however, considering they couldn't afford to get Cas, nor could they Deanna, killed. If the beast turned out to be too powerful, they would have to call the whole thing off. That would be terrible. Absolutely terrible. So, instead, they set about pacing rooms, cooking pop-tarts, and doing other unnecessary things in wake of their impatience. It frustrated Deanna to no end, but they risked spilling all their secrets if they didn't. A few hours later, at the height of their boredom, Chuck appeared with a pleased grin on his face.

"Well, you two, I have found out what it is. You're going to have to tell Deanna and Cas you've been doing some digging, too, since they don't know I'm God yet."

"Well, please, do tell!" Becky cried.

"It's a demon," said Chuck with strangely calm clarity.

"What? It doesn't exhibit signs of a demon at all! I'm not that stupid, honest!" Charlie retorted indignantly. She probably was risking her neck being indignant around God, but it was _Chuck_. He couldn't be that Old Testament.

"There's the rub! It took me a while, considering I was writing fanfiction, but I've managed to conclude that it is a demon _outside of its vessel_. I don't know why it hasn't got one, but I can assume the vessel was taken from it." Chuck's expression clouded over for a moment. "Actually, no, wait, I've got it. Its vessel has... been killed. They... they were... lovers? That seems to be what has prompted this killing spree. It's angry and wants revenge for the death of its wife."

Becky choked on her pop-tart. "Uhh, God works in mysterious ways?"

"I don't get that expression. I'm not really mysterious at all."

* * *

"EXCUSE ME, MY CHILDREN!" Becky burst into the kitchen, where Deanna was grilling burgers.

"Oh, dear." She slowly craned her neck around to face Becky.

"While you were doing nothing and cooking, we were doing some hardcore research. We have discovered the creature's identity _and_ its motives."

Deanna was silent.

"Well, we're waiting for the applause."

"Are you psychic? How do you know all this shit?" Deanna stuffed some cheese into her mouth as she went about making the dinner all too casually.

"Because, it's, like, all over the Internet. The occult is kind of a huge deal now that Supernatural is popular," Becky said and acted like that was a completely normal thing to say to someone.

"So, you're saying that a book series on my life has popularised research on the paranormal? And that this is a good thing?"

Becky just nodded and motioned for Charlie to come out of her cavern of a room. "Look, Charlie has all these books about it. It's apparently a demon in its true form. Oh, and it's also on a killing spree because its wife, aka vessel, died."

Deanna sat down and took a long swig of her beer. "I need more than just a drink to handle this. A love-struck demon without a vessel, really? What is my life again?"

"A book, and the popular sexual fantasy of young teenage girls. And young men now, I suppose, considering you're a woman, too."

Deanna gulped, rushed to the fridge in a frenzy, and snatched a bottle of vodka from the back. "Excuse me, I'm going to go drink this entire bottle and get alcohol poisoning so that I can die feeling nothing."

"But won't you break your little angel boyfriend's heart if you do that?"

"He's not my boyfriend, and he can just go visit me in Hell if he needs me. I'll be better off there, where people will be too busy watching their insides get ripped out to write gay pornography starring me and an angel."

"You know you like it," said Becky with an air of severity. It was as if this meant the entire world to her, which was pretty sick, really.

Deanna twitched. "I do not. It's not like I actually think it's hot or anything. I mean, I know I'm hot, but Cas? He's not... hot. With his blue eyes. And full lips. And sex hair. And illegal hips. And... face. Yep, totally average."

The grin on Becky's face looked like something straight out of the depths of Hell - something that you only find in the real world in dark corners, sketchy alleyways, in your closet, and under your bed.

"Oh? Average, hmm? I'll be sure to tell him all about your descriptions of his body and see what he thinks."

"Are you possessed by the devil?"

"No, he couldn't handle me, honey."

* * *

"We could lure it here by making fun of its vessel! I bet it looked like the back end of a bus!" Becky screamed.

They had been planning ways to gank the demon for hours on end. The day was not going productively.

"I think we should summon it in a warehouse," Sam offered.

"That's the best idea I've heard all day." Deanna hung her head and groaned. "And I have a hangover, so, please, for the love of God, can we just go with this and get the whole thing done quickly?"

Sam nodded his head. "Please, Becky, no more of your ideas. They're going to get us killed."

Becky frowned. "Look, I'm cool with this plan, so it's whatever."

"I'll be our public transportation service," said Gabriel, and offered out a hand to Sam.

_Isn't that sweet?_ Deanna thought bitterly. She wasn't a fan of public displays of affection.

"Fair enough," said Charlie.

Becky just shrugged and smacked loudly on a piece of gum she had apparently magicked out of nowhere.

"Well, off we go then!"

* * *

Deanna spat out dirt as she hastily hauled herself off of the warehouse floor. It was dark, almost pitch black, inside, probably because Gabriel was a genius and just _had_ to choose a building with no windows. A faint musky smell hung in the air, and it reminded Deanna all too much of the frankly disgusting motel rooms she had spent most of her life in. Cobwebs dripped down from the ceiling like melted, feathery marshmallows, because Deanna refused to acknowledge them as being something revolting, especially when her mouth had just been filled with _dirt_ from the run-down ground of a _warehouse_. She had a lot on her plate, and she certainly didn't need to add vomiting to her list.

"Let's get summoning!" Gabriel exclaimed, frankly way too cheerily.

Sam, who was apparently prepared for everything, whipped out some dusty old books and a large jar filled with God know's what. He dumped the contents of the jar onto the ground, opened the books, and began to read. He obviously didn't care to share with the world what the hell they needed to do, so everyone kept quiet as he engrossed himself in the instruction-reading.

"We don't need any freaky sacrificing rituals, do we? 'Cause I really could do with surviving and not killing any virgins." Deanna groaned sickly, and then blanched. "Holy shit, am I a virgin now? Did I retain my lack-of-virginity when Lucifer transformed me, or did he decide to cleanse me of my achievements?"

Cas looked terrified, and a few people in the room gagged. "For Chrissake, Deanna, I didn't need to know that!" Sam spat.

"Okay, whatever. So, sacrifices?"

"You'll be pleased to know there are none. This seems to be a fairly simple ritual. It brings any and all true form demons in the area to the spot we specify... which should be right in front of us." Sam gestured to a small, red "X" on the floor.

_What is this, a treasure hunt?_ "So, what if the crazy-ass demon has a few pals working with him?" Deanna's expression hardened. "I don't want anyone here to be demon chow if this backfires and we summon thousands upon thousands of the psychotic bastards."

Sam gave Deanna an offended stare. "I'm not that foolish. I obviously came prepared, you dick. Gabriel will use his Grace to smite them if worst comes to worst. Jerk."

"Bitch," Deanna harumphed.

"Okay, are we ready? I'm almost out of pop-tarts!" Becky held up an empty, crumb-filled bag and pouted.

"This isn't a movie, Becks. I don't think they'll appreciate you cracking out the popcorn, or in this case, pop-_tarts_, and enjoying the show." Charlie laid a hand on her shoulder.

Becky sighed. "It's their loss. This would be so much better with soda and theatre seats. Maybe some surround-sound speakers."

Sam put on Bitchface #323, aka Bitchface #_I'm getting real tired of your shit, guys_, and began to recite the spell. It was surprisingly long, but then again, it was a pretty specific and complicated thing to ask for. It continued to trail on for quite a while, but the aftermath was definitely not anticlimactic. The entire acre of land the warehouse rested on began to shake like it had been uprooted and shaken from the core of its soul up to the tips of its ears. Not that warehouses had ears.

"What the h-h-hell is going on, and m-m-more importantly, is this supposed to be happening?" Deanna managed to spit out between chattering teeth. "Christ, I'm going to b-b-bite my tongue off here if this d-d-doesn't stop soon!"

Just then, a piece of cement cracked from the roof and dropped with a smack in front of Deanna's toes. She hissed in shock and shot back a pace.

"Y-y-yes, this was to be expected." Sam looked shaken to his core. Literally.

And, at that very moment, everything stopped and settled into a deadly silence - the only proof of its ever existing being the dust slowly sinking onto the cracked surface below them and the debris which had almost broken Deanna's feet.

"That was absolutely ridiculous, you hear? And just where is the smarmy sack of shit we're meant to be hunting, anyway?"

Silence.

"It's behind me, isn't it? They're always behind you."

Sam, Cas, Gabriel, Becky, and Charlie all collectively nodded a tentative "yes".

"Wonderful."

Deanna spun around and met face-to-face with the scariest son of a bitch in all of damned history.

It was ugly. God damn, was it ugly. And it was right in front of her, reaching out a spindly, bony hand to just _touch_ her shoulder. No, actually, there was no way Deanna was going to let that _thing_ touch her anywhere. She'd probably get herpes from just looking at it, so who could possibly know what she'd get if she let it make contact?

"Back off, Fugly! I don't want your STDs!"

Even though this was a very serious situation, Becky couldn't help but giggle. "Oh, man," she choked down more laughter and tried to ignore the creature's pointed stare, "I think we're just making it angrier."

The demon let out a furious growl and lunged at Gabriel and Sam out of the blue. Sam jumped out of the way and landed with a crunch on the floor. "What the shit? I didn't even say anything!" Sam spat out dust and tried unsuccessfully to get up.

Gabriel rushed over in a flash to help up his... _boyfriend?_ "You okay, man?"

"Well, not really, considering a crazy-ass demon just threw me to the floor and probably broke my ribs."

Gabriel gave him a comforting pat on the back and touched two fingers to his forehead. "Here, let me heal you."

The demon practically flung itself at the couple once more, and Gabriel only just managed to teleport them out of the way.

Becky dropped her bag of pop-tarts. "Holy shit, you guys! It's jelly! Oh my GOD, it's actually jealous!"

Deanna almost choked. "You mean Sparkles here is _jealous_ of Sammy and Gabriel's relationship?"

"Well, look!" Becky pointed a pop-tart-stained finger in their direction. "'Sparkles' hasn't attacked anyone but those two, right? Why else would it target only them? They were holding hands and being all romantic is why!"

Becky could almost see the gears churning in Deanna's head.

"Oh, oh Jesus M. F. Christ. We completely ignored the fact that this bitch has just lost its loving waifu."

Sam gave Deanna another bitchface. "I didn't need that image."

"No, no, but really. They were probably virtual-dating-game-style in love, and now its vessel is dead, its poor, precious heart is broken. Think about it, Gabriel and Sam's relationship is the perfect way to shove that down Sparkles's throat."

Charlie coughed. "Great job psychoanalysing the demon here, but I think we have bigger problems at hand. Like the fact that we need to get Sam and Gabriel out of here ASAP."

Deanna nodded curtly and rushed towards her brother, who was desperately trying to get away from the demon chasing him across the warehouse. "Gabriel, can you and Sam get out? You're making it worse."

"Not," Gabriel spat out some disgusting warehouse dust, "exactly. My wings are covered in the demon's smoke, and it's making it difficult for me to fly."

"Shit. Cas! Cas! Are your wings okay? Can you fly Gabriel and Sam away from the demon?"

"It will be a heavy load for my wings to carry, but I can try."

Cas reached out a gentle hand to rest on Sam's shoulder, but was suddenly flung away when "Sparkles" threw him half-way across the room and into a support beam.

"You cannot escape," Sparkles boomed. Its voice sounded so gratingly loud and deep, it was like a chorus of fucking gravel-gargling _ravens_. It didn't help when the shout echoed around the room for what seemed like the next ten minutes.

"Look, buddy, we're just trying to negotiate here!" Deanna cried and desperately tried to raise her shaking, dirtied hands and cover her ears. "It's you who has decided to rush head-first into the whole thing and try to murder us!"

Cas let out an awful groan and crawled out from a pile of rubble. "A little help here."

Deanna promptly realised that Cas's vessel was shielded by stronger-than-hell Grace which, upon impact, probably brought the entire support beam down with him, and that she should probably help him out a little. "Shit, are you okay?" she hissed, rushing over.

"I am fine, though I have doubts about the stability of this warehouse now that it has been... crumbled."

"Which is exactly why we need to get out of here, and fast." Deanna offered out a hand to help Cas out.

Cas reached out tentatively, tenderly (and, damn, when had Deanna started describing Cas as _tentative_ or _tender_?) and gripped onto Deanna's bloodied hand. Christ almighty, she hadn't even realised how banged up she was. That was definitely not good. Unfortunately, it was then that Deanna noticed she was having what could be called a chick-flick moment, which was the one and only thing she should be avoiding right now with Sparkles around. Sparkles let out something close to an agonised howl and dashed straight for them. _Okay, so he caught me holding my ang- Castiel's hand. Everything's going to be fine._

"What the hell are you lovebirds doing? MOVE!" Gabriel screamed.

_Okay, not fine, not fine!_ Deanna barely managed to jump out of the way, and she fell with a crack into another support beam, which Cas came tumbling into next to her. Deanna wanted to bang her head against the concrete with frustration, and quite frankly would have if it wasn't for the fact that she was up and running within the next few milliseconds.

"Deanna, we have to..." Cas trailed off. "We have to distract it somehow so that Gabriel can smite it!"

"I gotcha, I gotcha." Deanna waved Gabriel over, while simultaneously dodging increasingly desperate lunges from Sparkles. "Gabriel, smite that thing, I have the perfect distraction!"

Gabriel attempted to show that he was currently trying to fly Sam out of the damned building, but Deanna was too busy enacting her only-just-formed plan. She leaned in slowly, grabbed Cas by the lapels of his coat, and kissed him.

Shocked silence.

Sparkles could only stand (or, well, hover?) and watch as Deanna proceeded to frankly shove her tongue down Cas's throat. The effect was enough to keep him stunned for a moment, which was when Becky lit up and decided to take the wheel.

Giving Charlie a curt (and suspicious, what the hell?) high-ten, Becky straightened and began to recite something Deanna should have figured she knew off by heart. The exorcism. There was a loud scream, which blocked out most of Becky's pretty much beautifully pronounced incantation, but Deanna managed to catch the last part.

"_Te rogamus, audi nos!_"

Oh, and how it sounded like sweet honey.

Sparkles lurched forward, seemed to do something vaguely like retching, melted into smoke, and broke out the window.

"Well, that settles it. Sparkles is no longer haunting the innocent citizens of Batcavetown!" Becky announced. It was disturbing how unharmed she looked considering she had just been chased around a room by a demon.

"Becky," Charlie stammered, "I could kiss you right now. That was a fine recitation."

"Awww, shucks, Charls." Becky waved her hand dismissively and then blanched in shock. "Deanna actually made out with Cas! Like, it wasn't even a peck on the cheek like we hoped! Oh my gosh, this is so amazing. I think I'll go post this on Tumblr and then Twitter and then Youtube if I can find any security camera footage... Anyway, mission accomplished, am I right or am I right?"

"I think you said a little too much." Charlie pointed nervously to a reddening Deanna, who was opening her mouth to say something.

"Well, all I have to say," Gabriel interrupted, "is... **fucking finally**! Literally, though, they're fucking finally."

At Sam's gagging noises, Gabriel swiftly teleported them all to the Batcave.

* * *

When Deanna had calmed down, Becky and Charlie were sitting nervously in the kitchen. Well, Charlie was sitting nervously. Becky was just munching unabashedly on pop-tarts and acting completely and believably nonchalant. Gabriel pottered around, looking bored. Sam just looked ill.

Deanna sat herself down at the kitchen table and folded her hands in her lap. "Okay, so, I probably shouldn't be so angry. Your matchmaking plan worked." She offered them a sheepish smile. "So, thanks, I guess."

"You're welcome, sweetie. Now go make out with your angel and let me write fanfiction about it," Becky chirped.

"I don't object to that plan," said Cas, who really needed a bell if he was going to act like a ninja all the time.

"Well, isn't this just like an episode of Dr. Sexy?" Deanna smirked.

"And you love it," Charlie interjected.

Deanna couldn't disagree.

* * *

**Ending Author's Note:** NEVER FEAR! There is an epilogue on the way. I mean, I actually have to write it first, but you get it. Don't unfollow this story yet, I'm not done -flails arms around like an idiot-! Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed my really, ridiculously lame story so far. It was a hell of a lot of fun writing it, staying up into the wee hours of the morning aside. Thank you everyone who has read and reviewed so far, as you've helped make this a fantastic experience for a first-time fanfiction author like me! Have a virtual hug and slice of pie. See you for the epilogue! c:


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